A point I noticed within
anger is that it comes up as a small point and when I get angry I feel it as a wheel that spins. The angrier I get the faster and harder the wheel spins. Within the wheel I
see past experiences of anger. I can place myself within the
experience of
anger even now with no
reason and what I see within this is that the
anger is always
here just
waiting to build up and explode. With working outside I use
anger to push myself to do more and it causes me to do less. I see the point when I do
stables especially, as
doing stables seems like a waste of my
time, but I do it as it is my Duty. I use the
word Duty as if I am forced to do it against my will and then use it to
manipulate people. When I use anger to do stables I start
feeling annoyed with my
body and take more
time to do them, using the justification that I am sore,
tired or have to do something else first. I actually
enjoy working outside, but have now turned it into a chore or a Duty, instead of accepting
responsibility of the work and allowing myself to thrive in it with all of the plans I have to make improvements. I make plans, but do not follow through like I used to, as I have poisoned the point with
anger.
I
commit myself to working on my anger and
moving through it, as it is
holding me back
I
commit myself to not use anger as a hiding place
I commit myself to not rely on others to push and
motivate me to accept and follow through on my responsibilities
I commit myself to
motivate and push myself
I commit myself allow myself to accept the joy and
satisfaction that
writing has brought me and I commit myself to writing something every day no matter how small
