Day 57 - Dont Think, Just do it

In this recording I am sharing a realization I had about how we all tend to get stuck in the idea of how to do something instead of just doing it. Enjoy!

Day 54 - How to Respond to Reactions

My perspective on reactions with some commentary from Bumi the dog , enjoy!

Day 52 - Fight to be Right

When I want something and I try to show someone else what it is that I want and they disagree I get angry and try to use that anger to enforce my will. I have followed this program from when I was a child with school friends and later in life with everyday living or with things like farm work. Instead of presenting my perspective and discussing it with others and together coming to the conclusion of what the best option is, I use anger and push them in an attempt to make them “break” and see things my way.

I see that this is something that is not only unproductive but also harmful to myself and the people around me, in particular my agreement partner. I see that I need to allow myself to be wrong as that is one of the points that I use to justify this pattern to myself, meaning that I would rather be right and not make a mistake as mistakes are a bruise to my ego and that if I am wrong, I fight and fight even if I have already seen what the other person is saying, as if I can make it my way regardless of what the best solution is.


What I see within this pattern is me trying to protect myself from being seen as wrong by others and that I would rather abuse people than consider what they are saying. I see that if I change this approach and allow myself to consider what others are saying without anger, we would be able to reach a solution that is the best for all involved and that I would not be so difficult to ask for perspective and would be able to learn from my mistakes and from other people’s perspective.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow the trigger of someone disagreeing with me to anger and allowing myself to try to enforce my will on the person using anger so that I can avoid being seen as wrong


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen as wrong by other people as I believe that they will not hear me on anything if I am ever wrong


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight to be right even when I can see that I am wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use anger as a way to manipulate people into doing what I want them to do regardless of whether what I want to do is the best solution or not

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that when I follow this self-created habit or program of fighting to be right I am not only making it more difficult to find a solution to the original problem, but I am also using anger to manipulate those around me and in so doing I am damaging the relationships I have with people around me and creating consequences of people not wanting to work with me and if the point is forced into being through anger there is no way to trust that it is effective and has the chance of creating the consequence of more work in the future

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard what others are saying when I believe that I am right because I have to be the one that is right otherwise I am not as smart as the others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being as smart as the ones around me as I believe that it is a weakness and that people will use it to disregard anything I say

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that when I become overwhelmed with fear of being ignored I start ignoring others and am therefore doing to them what I would not want them to do to me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am superior to the people around me and through this belief I am damaging my relationships with them as I am not allowing myself to consider anything that they say within the idea that they are not as smart as me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up the energy of anger and fear within me to use against others instead of breathing and letting go of the energy and consider what people say to me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen as less than them and so I create a persona of more than them, so that I cannot be less than them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be smarter than other people so that I never have to be looked down on again

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that using the energy I create and build with anger and fear to motivate myself and to push others into my way of thinking, I am using something other than the directive principle within and as myself and that the energy will always run out whereas standing as the directive principle within and as myself I can push myself to let go and motivate myself to listen to others and consider their words instead of fighting to be right out of fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I am wrong people will never trust me again

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that rushing into energy is the better option

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush into energy and allow myself to be overwhelmed by the energy which I then allow myself to use as a weapon

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise and understand that I use energy as a weapon against people who I believe are better than I am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to be the best at everything and that if I am not the best or the smartest I am nothing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being nothing, worthless and useless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am nothing, worthless and useless

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise and understand that so long as I see or believe myself to be nothing, worthless and useless I am actually giving energy into that idea of myself and therefore I am creating the persona of nothing, worthless and useless, so as to avoid having to push myself and so that I can hide behind the persona of pointlessness that I have created

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear pushing myself as I believe that I will fail and that if I fail I will then be confirming to myself that I am nothing, worthless and useless instead of accepting myself as I am now and pushing myself to become more stable and more aware of myself and others around me and the consequences of my actions to myself and others around me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide behind the self-created persona or idea of nothing, worthless and useless

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise and understand that I hide behind the persona or idea of nothing, worthless and useless to stop myself from having to take directive principle within and as myself and to stop myself from having to create and push relationships of trust with those around me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stand as the directive principle within and as myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having to create and push relationships of trust and vulnerability with those around me and within myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I don't have the courage to push through the fears and direct myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being ignored or disregarded as I see this as others telling me that I am worthless and useless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when someone disregards something I say it means that they are telling me that I am useless and worthless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that people are intentionally ignoring me to tell me that I am useless and worthless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be needed as I use the energy from this desire to fuel my ego and make myself feel and seem bigger to hide the fear that I am feeling

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having to face myself and those around me when I am not hidden by walls of persona and energy

Day 47 - I Choose to Live

It is fascinating what a difference it makes when you decide to do something. If you decide that you do not want to do something then you have to first clear that decision before you are able to actually start doing it. It also has an effect when it is something that you do not want to do, if you have to do something that you really do not want to do you cause that project to be one that you can only do when you force yourself to do it and if you force yourself to do something you will be angry while doing it and you will take out your anger on the people around you.

I have also seen how you can tire yourself out and make things worse than they actually are just by deciding that you are unwilling to do it, then you will be dreading the task and thinking about how difficult it is going to be and by doing these things you will actually make it more difficult and make yourself angry and irritated.

This is a quote from Osho:

'To be ordinary is the only extraordinary thing. Very rarely somebody relaxes and becomes ordinary. If you ask Zen masters, 'What do you do?' they will say, 'We fetch wood from the forest, we carry water from the well. We eat when we feel hungry, we drink when we feel thirsty, we go to sleep when we feel tired. This is all.'

It does not look very appealing -- fetching wood, carrying water, sitting, eating. You will say, 'These are ordinary things. Everybody is doing them.'

These are not ordinary things, and nobody is doing them. When you are fetching wood, you are condemning it -- you would like to be the president of some country. You don't want to be a woodcutter. You keep condemning the present for some imaginary future.

Carrying water from the well, you feel you are wasting your life. You are angry. You were not made for such ordinary things. You had come with a great destiny -- to lead the whole world towards a paradise, some utopia.

These are all ego-trips. These are all in states of consciousness.

Just to be ordinary... and then suddenly what you call trivia is no more trivia, what you call profane is no more profane. Everything becomes sacred. Carrying wood becomes sacred. Fetching water from the well becomes sacred.'

It is fascinating that this is what we do within ourselves whenever there we are doing something, it is never the simplicity and acceptance of “doing the ordinary and menial task”, it has become the total ego trip of ourselves to condemn and think we are better than these things. I need to go fix a fence and all the while I am thinking that I could be doing some grand and important thing trying to make myself feel better about doing this simple, practical common sense task and within trying to make myself fell important I actually make myself angry at the fact that I am not important or special.
None of us are special or important, this is the point we all have to realise.

We are all the same, we all have to eat, sleep, drink and defecate. This one simple point of accepting the fact that we are the same and all have the same problems would make the world a better place for all of us to live in. For if you saw your neighbour as the same as you and treated them as you would want to be treated wouldn’t the world be calmer, safer and give us all a chance to really work to change ourselves and our world into a world and life that we would all enjoy?

I am willing and able to do this and I have chosen to do this, I want my future children to grow up without worrying about being killed when they are sleeping and to be able to enjoy themselves without having to block out the suffering of the people around us as we all had to.

Day 46 - Call of Duty

A point I noticed within anger is that it comes up as a small point and when I get angry I feel it as a wheel that spins. The angrier I get the faster and harder the wheel spins. Within the wheel I see past experiences of anger. I can place myself within the experience of anger even now with no reason and what I see within this is that the anger is always here just waiting to build up and explode. With working outside I use anger to push myself to do more and it causes me to do less. I see the point when I do stables especially, as doing stables seems like a waste of my time, but I do it as it is my Duty. I use the word Duty as if I am forced to do it against my will and then use it to manipulate people. When I use anger to do stables I start feeling annoyed with my body and take more time to do them, using the justification that I am sore, tired or have to do something else first. I actually enjoy working outside, but have now turned it into a chore or a Duty, instead of accepting responsibility of the work and allowing myself to thrive in it with all of the plans I have to make improvements. I make plans, but do not follow through like I used to, as I have poisoned the point with anger.

I commit myself to working on my anger and moving through it, as it is holding me back

I commit myself to not use anger as a hiding place

I commit myself to not rely on others to push and motivate me to accept and follow through on my responsibilities

I commit myself to motivate and push myself

I commit myself allow myself to accept the joy and satisfaction that writing has brought me and I commit myself to writing something every day no matter how small

Day 45 - Know Thyself, Correct Thyself

6. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

I have come to realise that being consumed by emotion can be nothing but destructive in any given situation. I see that the emotion makes me spit out my backchat and points that I have observed to “attack” the other people in the situation and this is obviously hurtful to the other being and can possibly lead to the end of any relationship.

I practically apply this principle by observing myself in every moment and when I go into reaction I investigate the trigger of this reaction and clear it so that if and when similar situations arise I stop the reaction from coming up so as to see the situation clearly and direct from a stable standing instead of an emotional one.

In situations where I go into reaction I base my reaction off of my perception of certain points including the other person’s body language, their tonality, their words (or what I choose to hear) and my previous experiences.

For example:

When a person asks me for a tool and I tell them where to find it, then realise that I should ask them what they need it for. I ask them why they need it and the answer they give reveals to me that it is something that will damage the tool as it is not designed for it, so I explain to them that it will be damaged and that they should use something else and their reply is that they won’t – even though they do not need to use a tool like that and there are other tools that they could use makes me angry as they assume that they know better than me instead of hearing me on what I am trying to show them. I used to go straight into explosive anger but have now been able to stop myself from becoming angry and as such, I am able to show them that the tool is not right for the job without attacking them for wanting to be superior to me.

I have come to realise that I go into 3 “stages” of anger:

Stage 1: The anger sparks in me and I start trying to suppress it instead of directing myself to stop.

Stage 2: The anger starts to show by me starting to argue with the other person instead of explain the point clearly and hearing what the other person has to say.

Stage 3: I snap and go into what I call the “kicking and screaming” anger and start shouting to prove myself right.

I have been able to – using the practical application of this principle – successfully stop myself from allowing the anger to take hold and push me into stage 2 and 3 more and more as these types of situations come up.

I have realised that I have allowed myself to be consumed by anger more frequently than not and I have realised that it is simply a matter of stopping myself from allowing the anger to take over and directing the point from a stable point whilst considering the other persons position and not following my perception of who is “right or wrong”.

Day 37 - The Big Problem of "Little Things"

I was in town the other day buying equipment for the farm and picking up food for the animals and what happened was that I got distracted in terms of what I needed to do and I had not written everything down so, I forgot to collect some of the food that was bought earlier in the day. I had to go back the next day to collect it as some of the shops don’t like it when the stuff isn’t picked up soon after it is bought. It meant that I had to waste time and spend half of another day in town when I could’ve been working on the farm, especially since there isn’t many people capable of doing the physical work that I do.(There isn’t many guys - lol)

The point that I realised from this – and other instances – is that if you are not stable and focused, you easily get distracted from what you need to do. I also was in a rush as I don’t enjoy being in town and I had been there almost the whole day already.

I also realized that I need to be more diligent in writing points that need to be done as work is easily forgotten and you cannot rely on memory to keep track of all the work. There is many little things that get forgotten as they are not very important and other big problems that need fixing get in the way so, the little things start to pile up higher and higher until they are also big problems.

The point that I see is that whenever I can pay attention to the little things instead of leaving it for the next day – which often turns into the next month – I will place whatever spare time that I have available to taking on the small points so as to Prevent them from turning into Big problems.

The same thing can be said in terms of my personal process – meaning that when I see I am allowing a “small” point to influence me, I stop and correct it before it compiles into a possession/obsession or causes me to create conflict as an outflow onto the beings around me.

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

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