I have been
resisting writing about redefining words and as I look at why I realize that
the reason I keep coming to a point of completely resisting writing, as
Redefining words is what I want to focus on but I cannot find a word to
redefine, the point that I realise is that I need to redefine resistance or
resisting facing a point.
If I look at
how I have been living or existing as my current definition of resistance what
I see is:
A point that
I see as a waste of my time, useless, pointless to do or face or write about as
I do not want to see that whatever point I am looking at exists within and as
me as it doesn’t fit into my perception of myself.
The
dictionary definition of resistance is:
— n
1. the act or
an instance of resisting
2. the capacity to withstand something,
esp the body's natural capacity to withstand
disease
3. a. Compare reactance R the
opposition to a
flow of electric current through a circuit component, medium, or substance.
It is the magnitude of the real part of the
impedance and is measured in ohms b. (
as modifier ): resistance coupling
; a resistance thermometer
4. any force
that tends to retard or oppose motion: air
resistance ; wind resistance
5. (in psychoanalytical theory) the tendency of a person
to prevent the translation of repressed
thoughts and ideas from the unconscious to
the conscious and esp to resist the
analyst's attempt to bring this about
6. physics
the magnitude of the real part of the acoustic or mechanical impedance
7. line
of least resistance the easiest, but not
necessarily the best or most honourable, course of action
Through
sounding out the word the other words that I can hear are:
Tense,
stance, cyst, rest, ants
If I look at
all the information that I have gathered in terms of the word resistance and
how it affects me:
My
perception of the word resistance and my relation to this word makes it look to
me as a bad word. The reason for this is that me resisting doing something
shows me that I need to do what it is that I am resisting as it is a point that
I am afraid of or too lazy to do and as I also see myself as better than the
point that I am resisting( at least some of the time).
The associations
that I have made to the word resistance are:
That the
word is bad and that it means that I am lazy and not good enough to walk
through the resistance as I am consumed by fear of change and the point that I
am resisting would change me if I face or do it
The
experience I have in relation to resistance if that I am lazy and that I start
feeling ashamed of myself when I avoid walking through the resistance as I am
afraid, so whenever I have had the word or form of resistance come up I feel
immediately worse and like a huge weight has been put on my shoulders that I
did not want as I feel like I am doing enough even though I know it is not
true. I also use the word resistance to hide from changing my idea of who I am
as I enjoy who I am even though I know who I am at the moment is comprised of
fear, shame, guilt and laziness.
Self-Forgiveness:
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the word resistance as
something bad
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry at myself for going
into resistance towards working through points or writing anything out
I forgive myself
for not accepting and allowing myself to look at why I am resisting facing a
point out of fear
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear resisting a point as it shows
me that there points that I have not dealt with
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen as someone who
cannot work through points, as someone weak and as someone useless
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to the point where I
go into a complete shutdown instead of dealing with a point
I forgive
myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see what I am doing to myself
as a point of distraction and entrapment
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy the comfort of hiding behind
my resistances and fear
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I am stuck in a
point of resistance that people will see me as less than them
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen as less than
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to take it personally when the idea
that someone is seeing me as less than me comes up
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to become entirely consumed by
resistance which is all fear based
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to become entirely controlled by fear
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to let fear dictate my every move
If I look at
what would best define the word resistance I come up with these possibilities:
A point that
is being revealed as something to work on and requires direction as it is
affecting myself as who I am as I am allowing myself to go into a reaction even
if I do not realize it.
Definition:
Resistance
is an experience from the mind that it uses to hold self back from facing
whatever point is in front of me.
Resistance
can be used as a tool to indicate when I am hiding from or using an excuse to
not face a point and therefore an indication that I should push myself and walk
through the resistance.
Checking the definition
a.
Is there a polarity in the definition that I have assigned to the word?
Answer: No
b.
Can I stand by this definition of the word eternally?
Answer: Yes
c.
Does the definition that I wrote represent what the word means?
Answer: Yes
