Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Day 18 - My Failed Test

Niamh passed her driving test - first time!
Niamh passed her driving test - first time! (Photo credit: Danny McL)
I recently took and failed my first try at the driver’s license test. I don’t do well with failure. I rebooked my test for the soonest available test which is the 16th of January. The reason I failed my test is two-sided. The one side is that I screwed up and got stuck on the road for about two minutes, but the instructor told me I failed because the guy that was behind me hooted, the guy was behind me for about 20 seconds before he overtook me and I didn’t hear him hoot – which is not something that I can technically be failed on, but I didn’t know that at the time. The other side is that I gave the instructor the opportunity to fail me by getting stuck, although I do not understand why he failed me as he told me I was a very good driver, but I have heard that the departments have to fail a certain amount of people (I do not know if that is true) and I gave him the opportunity to fail me, no matter what the reason.

I know that I am blaming the instructor. I have not actually dealt with the anger. I have been writing about anything other than myself so as to avoid looking at this point – not that what I have been writing is pointless – I am just saying that I have used these other points as a distraction.
I have been in a lot more physical pain and stiffness since I failed the test. I looked at why the other day and realised that I was using my muscles and my body to suppress the anger that I am feeling. I was trying to use my body as a hiding place, my pain as a distraction and my self-pity as a trigger to release the anger on anyone who gives me a reason.

To Be Continued…
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