Day 15 - The Game of Recognition

I have been looking at one of the main reasons I enjoy playing games, which is the ego boost I get when I win. What I mean by games is pretty much anything that you do in a day. I mean, you can whatever you are doing into a competition. For example : If you are working, you make it a competition to work faster, harder and better than the other person or if you are talking to lots of people you can make it a competition to speak louder, more often and have the most response from the people you are talking to. I realise when looking at this point that I am coming from a point of fear and desire - Desire for recognition and fear of not getting it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire recognition
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not getting the recognition I believe I deserve
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I deserve recognition
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am better than people who cannot do what I do as well as I can – no matter what it is
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being inferior to other people especially when I see that they can do anything even slightly better than I can – no matter what it is
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect and believe that I am better than anyone with anything given the chance to learn
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that If I learned the same skill that I see In another, that I would be able to do it better than and learn it faster than the other person
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel envious about any skill that another has that I don’t
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty that I don’t already possess that skill or never allowed myself to finish learning it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am not useful enough or valuable enough for what we are doing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as unworthy of life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as unworthy of process
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see and experience as unworthy in all forms
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to make myself worthy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see it as necessary to find some way so as to prove my worth to those around me and especially to myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not living up to the expectations that I perceive are part of who I should be
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a failure
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen in the same way as I see myself, as that would mean that I would have to see myself in their eyes
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear looking at myself, as I believe that that would mean I would have to look at and see who I should and how I should’ve lived my live
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty for living my life in such an irresponsible and selfish way
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed of my life and how much more difficult I have made my own life out of ignorant and selfish choices
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my past instead of who I choose to be
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to forgive and let go of my past
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of my past because I believe that if I do I will make the same mistakes of the past
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that through holding onto my past I am actually keeping the same cycle of mistakes running
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret my life choices
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that need i recognition so as to motivate me into doing anything
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify not finishing what I started if I do not get the recognition I believe I deserve
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite others out of anger at myself for needing them to motivate myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot motivate myself into doing anything