Day 19 - Thats NOT FAIR!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for failing my drivers test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the instructor for failing me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for failing my first attempt at the test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have expected myself to pass and feel disappointed and angry at myself for failing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to whine and complain about the fact that I did not see it as fair that I was failed as the point that I was failed on was not part of the test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry about the fact that I was failed unfairly
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to admit to myself that I had been whining about the fact that I failed
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that people will tell me that I am acting liking a whining little child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen and perceived as a whining little child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate people to be sympathetic to me by telling them how I was unfairly failed
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the point of me failing the test, as a point to get attention
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I was angry at myself for whining as much as for failing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use anger as a way to not see the point of me getting my ego bruised as the point that is perpetuating much of the anger that I am holding onto
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear getting my ego bruised
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the anger as a punishment for failing, bruising my ego and for damaging the perceived idea I have of how people see me
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of the anger I have at myself and the instructor
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take out my anger on my body
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use muscle pain as a punishment for failing, bruising my ego and for damaging the perceived idea I have of how people see me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use back pain as a constant unforgiving reminder of how I fucked up like an idiot
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as an idiot for not passing my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as less than since I have failed my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the physical so as to torture myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of the physical pain I have placed within myself out of fear of failing again
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear driving again because I failed my test
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to push people to let me drive so as to keep to the principles of driving necessary to pass my retest
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see people being a lot more resistant to the point of me driving as them saying that since I failed the test I can never drive again
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take people not letting me drive personally
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the people I have gone to town with not letting me drive using bad excuses as to why I can’t drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take them on and push them to let me drive so as to practice otherwise I will fail my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge them and be angry at them even though I haven’t pushed as hard as I should have
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume that the people wouldn’t let me drive because I failed my test and they no longer think that I can drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the people think that I cannot drive because I failed my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at people out my perceived believe that they think that I can no longer drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take out my anger on anyone that gave me a reason no matter how small
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the anger I was feeling for failing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing the second test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being angry at the fact that I have to wait another two months and take more lessons before I can drive myself around
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that I do not have the ability to drive myself and Maite around but instead have to adhere to the limitations set by the people that can drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that it is taking so long to get my drivers license
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being disappointed at the fact that I postponed my drivers license for so long and now that I had the chance I fucked it up
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use pain as a suppression tool for my anger
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use self-pity as a trigger for releasing my anger onto others

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• Justifying Reactions Through Communication
• Day 158: Angry and I Don't Know Why
• Day 6 Driving Lesson and Self-Sabotage
• Day 2 - Fear of change

Day 17 - My Struggling Country

Jacob Zuma, former vice president of South Africa. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Looking at the recent news in South Africa I’d have to say that this country is in some serious trouble. The reasons that I say this is that the civil unrest in South Africa is getting worse all the time due to many factors including horrible wages, increasing costs for basic living and a corrupt and selfish government. Recently President Jacob Zuma of South Africa has been under some serious scrutiny over many points but mainly over the point of excessive costs on his private home. Quoting from the news article: "that under his leadership the justice system has been politicised and weakened; corruption has spiralled out of control; unemployment continues to increase, the economy is weakening, and, the right of access to quality education has been violated". (http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/Politics/DA-files-court-papers-over-Zuma-motion-20121117 )

The point of his home is that he was accused and brought before a parliamentary hearing to ask if his private home which cost around R200 million was paid for by the taxpayers as was recently reported in many newspapers.

In this article Zuma is saying how he doesn’t have anything to do with the improvements made other than the ones his family put in and that the government said these improvements were necessary for security reasons. The point that people in South Africa are angry about is the fact that the president allowed these upgrades even with his country in serious financial trouble, which is causing people to get angry with the government.

The main opposition political party in SA – the DA – has been trying to bring a vote of no confidence on President Zuma. There is a lot of anger against Zuma because he is not taking responsibility for the country that he governs, but instead he places blame on others or says that the governor of the respective area that is presenting trouble or specific government departments are supposed to deal with whatever problems.
Let me explain a vote of no confidence. Simply put, a vote of no confidence is a vote to remove the acting president from office legally because of the president not adhering to the responsibilities of the president in accordance with the constitution of SA.

The question here is how far people are going to allow themselves to be pushed before they snap. The recent strikes that have been increasingly violent are signs that people are seriously unhappy.

What will happen if the ANC continues to block the attempts of the DA to remove Zuma from office using a vote of no confidence, which would be in violation of the SA constitution. What would SA turn into then? If SA stands up and removes Zuma what would happen to SA? Ask yourself how far you would need to be pushed before you stand up and say no more?

Sources:
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/Politics/Nkandla-Zuma-says-still-paying-bond-20121115
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/Politics/DA-files-court-papers-over-Zuma-motion-20121117

Related articles

• The day the president's mask slipped: Opposition touches Zuma on his compound
• Fist of fury: ANC vows to block the Zuma motion of no confidence
• SA anger over roads to Zuma home
• Zuma and 'No confidence': How would you vote?
• Zuma's missed opportunity to sell South Africa
• Zuma parries attacks on leadership
• S.Africa state TV muzzles reporters over 'Zumaville'
• Battle for spoils tearing ANC apart - Zille

Day 16 - Mother Murders Her 5 Children

I have been reading a few news articles about a woman who killed her 5 children. The kids were aged between 2 and 13, she apparently first made them drink a mix of brake fluids and soda. She then decided that they were taking too long to die so she drowned or stabbed some of them. She appeared in court after the murders and she was pregnant again. She had also attempted to poison her children and commit suicide the year before, she was sent to a mental institute for a 30 day evaluation before going to trial and being convicted and sent to jail for 12 years for each murder.

Here are the links:
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Mom-made-children-drink-brake-fluid-20111130
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Alleged-killer-mom-pregnant-again-20120209
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Mom-gets-12-years-for-killing-her-children-20121113

How can anyone call this a world that is worth living in if things like this are commonplace. A mother murdered her children and will spend the rest of her life being taking care of in terms of food, a bed and hygiene because she murdered her children. A lot of people in South Africa are willing go to prison because they are able to survive their without needing to work and fear that they are not going to have enough money to survive the next day. In prison you get everything you need to survive for as long as your sentence is set to, without having to work for it. It is definitely better than trying to survive in the world – it may not be as comfortable, but at least you will always get 3 meals a day and a bed and a blanket for sleeping in.

In an Equal Money System everyone would already be provided for in terms of food, a house, hygiene and so on, without needing to work for it – so they wouldn’t need to kill, rape, rob or suffer in fear just to survive to the next day. Consider the fact that a lot of crimes committed these days are out of fear and desperation for survival. Also consider that in the current system people choose to go into crime so as to support themselves and their families, in an Equal Money System this choice wouldn’t be necessary as they would already be supported for their entire life. Ask yourself how much crime would exist in a world where people weren’t in constant fear and desperation for the survival of themselves and their families?