While I was driving I was apparently going too slow for this guy behind me, so he speeds past me and almost crashes into me and the guy that was in front of me. I didn’t freak out though! Lol. I just breathed and had to swerve a little but all in all it was ok. I then drove us to the mall nearby.
For those of you who don’t know, when you learn to drive from a company/school the car you use has a second set of brakes and clutch in the passenger’s side. The whole time that I was driving she would push the brake just before I would push it. It was a little frustrating, as she would tell me to push the brake but she would already be pushing it. It was confusing to say the least but I would breathe and focus on what I was doing. I realize that she was telling me so that I can learn when to start doing it myself without her and she was pushing the stuff since she cannot trust in my ability to drive yet and so we don’t crash into someone! :)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of having to speak to people outside of process
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of driving a car with a passenger in it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of being judged as a bad driver by whatever passenger is in the car
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be scared of driving in traffic with many other cars
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of damaging whoevers car I am driving, especially the driver instructor’s car
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that other people on the road would be hooting at me for driving too slowly or something
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become irritated with people when they tell me to do something that they are already doing –like the driving instructor telling me to brake, while she had already taken over the point herself by braking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist the assistance others give me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I don’t need help
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to force myself into the difficult paths instead of just simply doing the simple common sense route to anything
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the best way to ensure that I “learn my lesson” is through pain and suffering
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project this anger towards myself onto others as a way to hide from facing any point
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I would go into fear if something bad happened on the road
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust my breathing in driving even though I have proven to myself that I can handle anything through breathing and remaining stable and not going into fear
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear about the whole driving and lesson and test process
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I will go into fear on my test day and fuck up while taking my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of disappointing myself and Maite if I fail my driving test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of failure
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of having to start the whole driving process again as it costs time and money
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that if I do fail my driving test, I will have wasted a lot of money and time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am going to fail my driving test as many of the people failed their first time
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of turning out like everyone else by failing my driving test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I pass my driving test that I will be better than the other people who failed their first time
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the point of it being practical to pass the first time, to hide the ego-point of me winning by passing the first time
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I pass my driving test it will mean that I am a better driver than the people who failed
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that I am going to fail because of me wanting to pass
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create failure in my life as a way for me to learn even though it is completely unnecessary and impractical
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is no way for me to pass the test as I want to pass to win
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that since I have created my failure already, that I cannot undo it
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that it is just a matter of changing my starting point and then walk in breath and self-trust
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am a perfectionist and as such, I cannot allow myself to fail no matter how ridiculous the point is
When and as I see myself going into the fear of failure I stop myself breathe and let go of the point that I am afraid of in that moment. I realize that fearing failure is a way for me to sabotage my personal process and to make working with myself more difficult. I commit myself to allowing myself to breathe through the fear, look at it in terms of why I am afraid to fail and not allow myself to sabotage my process out of fear of failure
When and as I see myself going into the believe of being a perfectionist I stop myself, breathe and let go of the point that I am currently using to impress people with. I realize that the belief that I need to be perfect so as to impress people is just me trying to build up my ego. I commit myself to not allowing myself to participate in the point of building up my ego so as to feel self-important and better-than as it is just another point of self-sabotage directed at my process.
When and as I see myself going into the fear of disappointing myself and other people I stop myself, breathe and let go of the fear. I realize that when I go into fear of being a disappointment it is only because I believe that I have to live up to those ideas of myself and what other people think of me which is just another form of self-sabotage. I commit myself to look at why I feel like I need to live up to expectations of my preconceived idea of myself and the preconceived ideas others have formed about me, I commit myself to not allowing myself to restrict myself into a being controlled by the expectations created by myself and what others have come to see me as and I commit myself to not allow myself to go into fear of what people might do or say when I do not act as who I have turned myself into based on the preconceived ideas of myself that others and I have created about myself
When and as I see myself projecting my anger onto others I stop, breathe and let go of the anger before I continue speaking. I realize that when I project my anger onto others I am using it as a shield so as not to be seen and so that I do not have to see the point I am afraid of facing, which is also a point of self-sabotage. I commit myself to not allow myself to use my anger as a shield for my fear and I commit myself to not allow myself to be afraid of being seen as someone that is afraid of facing myself
No comments:
Post a Comment