Day 46 - Call of Duty

A point I noticed within anger is that it comes up as a small point and when I get angry I feel it as a wheel that spins. The angrier I get the faster and harder the wheel spins. Within the wheel I see past experiences of anger. I can place myself within the experience of anger even now with no reason and what I see within this is that the anger is always here just waiting to build up and explode. With working outside I use anger to push myself to do more and it causes me to do less. I see the point when I do stables especially, as doing stables seems like a waste of my time, but I do it as it is my Duty. I use the word Duty as if I am forced to do it against my will and then use it to manipulate people. When I use anger to do stables I start feeling annoyed with my body and take more time to do them, using the justification that I am sore, tired or have to do something else first. I actually enjoy working outside, but have now turned it into a chore or a Duty, instead of accepting responsibility of the work and allowing myself to thrive in it with all of the plans I have to make improvements. I make plans, but do not follow through like I used to, as I have poisoned the point with anger.

I commit myself to working on my anger and moving through it, as it is holding me back

I commit myself to not use anger as a hiding place

I commit myself to not rely on others to push and motivate me to accept and follow through on my responsibilities

I commit myself to motivate and push myself

I commit myself allow myself to accept the joy and satisfaction that writing has brought me and I commit myself to writing something every day no matter how small

Day 45 - Know Thyself, Correct Thyself

6. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

I have come to realise that being consumed by emotion can be nothing but destructive in any given situation. I see that the emotion makes me spit out my backchat and points that I have observed to “attack” the other people in the situation and this is obviously hurtful to the other being and can possibly lead to the end of any relationship.

I practically apply this principle by observing myself in every moment and when I go into reaction I investigate the trigger of this reaction and clear it so that if and when similar situations arise I stop the reaction from coming up so as to see the situation clearly and direct from a stable standing instead of an emotional one.

In situations where I go into reaction I base my reaction off of my perception of certain points including the other person’s body language, their tonality, their words (or what I choose to hear) and my previous experiences.

For example:

When a person asks me for a tool and I tell them where to find it, then realise that I should ask them what they need it for. I ask them why they need it and the answer they give reveals to me that it is something that will damage the tool as it is not designed for it, so I explain to them that it will be damaged and that they should use something else and their reply is that they won’t – even though they do not need to use a tool like that and there are other tools that they could use makes me angry as they assume that they know better than me instead of hearing me on what I am trying to show them. I used to go straight into explosive anger but have now been able to stop myself from becoming angry and as such, I am able to show them that the tool is not right for the job without attacking them for wanting to be superior to me.

I have come to realise that I go into 3 “stages” of anger:

Stage 1: The anger sparks in me and I start trying to suppress it instead of directing myself to stop.

Stage 2: The anger starts to show by me starting to argue with the other person instead of explain the point clearly and hearing what the other person has to say.

Stage 3: I snap and go into what I call the “kicking and screaming” anger and start shouting to prove myself right.

I have been able to – using the practical application of this principle – successfully stop myself from allowing the anger to take hold and push me into stage 2 and 3 more and more as these types of situations come up.

I have realised that I have allowed myself to be consumed by anger more frequently than not and I have realised that it is simply a matter of stopping myself from allowing the anger to take over and directing the point from a stable point whilst considering the other persons position and not following my perception of who is “right or wrong”.

Day 44 - The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle

I hereby commit myself to live the following Principles:

1.       Realising and living my utmost potential

2.       Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3.       Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4.       Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5.       Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6.       Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment  and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7.       Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8.       With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9.       Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10.    Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11.    No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12.    Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13.    Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14.    Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15.    Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16.    Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17.    I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18.    I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19.    Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20.    Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21.    We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22.    The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23.    The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth

Day 43 - Abandoned Children make Good PR

Johannesburg - Gauteng traffic police believe a 16-month-old toddler was purposely abandoned alongside the N1 near Grasmere on Thursday night. 

This was after the child narrowly missed being hit by a truck travelling along the route. The truck driver noticed the little boy walking alone on the dark road at about 7pm. 

“We suspect the child was dropped off on the freeway as there are no houses around there from which he could have walked out of,” traffic police spokesman Obed Sibasa said on Thursday morning.

“Traffic police patrolling the area noticed the truck swerving and trying to avoid killing the poor innocent soul. When officers got to the child, he looked panicked and unsure of where he was.”

Sibasa said the child looked unkempt, and officers couldn’t be sure if his nappy had been changed.

“It was indeed disturbing – the child probably cried and cried until there were no more tears left and he was just wandering around, confused.” 

The child was taken to a place of safety on Thursday night. 

The case is being investigated by the police and Sibasa said traffic authorities would keep tabs on it too. 

“Police are busy with investigations and will try to trace the mother; as long as she is still alive, we will find her.” 

The Gauteng Department of Social Development would make sure the child was cared for until his parents could be traced. 

“When we have such situations where a child is abandoned, the child is transferred to us. We then get a court order from a magistrate to enable us to place the child at an NGO or in foster care,” a spokesman said. 

According to the Gauteng Department of Health, 89 babies were abandoned between January and August last year. In 2012, 135 babies were abandoned and 136 in 2011. 

Welfare organisations said while the department had noticed a decline in babies abandoned at hospitals, the number abandoned at social welfare institutions was on the increase.

http://www.iol.co.za/news/crime-courts/toddler-was-wandering-around-n1-confused-1.1671369

 What I see when I read this article is how much the police spokesperson is trying to uplift the importance of the system of taking care of orphans and how well the system works instead of using this point to reveal and correct the points that force people to abandon their children out of fear of not being able to take care of them.

From my perspective, many of the children that are abandoned in South Africa are because the parents are unable to care for them and think that they will be taken care of by the system. Many of the children that go into the foster system end up being abused in some form or another as the people use them as a way to get money from the government and many will be used as slaves.

The other problem that I see is that the parents might be excessive drinkers – as is common in places like SA – which would cause them to either accidently or purposefully leave behind their child while they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. A lot of people that get addicted to drugs and alcohol are struggling to cope with the reality of theirs lives that mainly consist of terrible jobs with horrible salary and then having to come home to care for their own families.
The reality of suffering and pain that most of the world consists of is a lot to bear and the responsibility – financially, physically and emotionally – of taking care of a child on top of the struggle of life can become overwhelming. We have all had experience of what happens when we feel like our cup is going to overflow, which is to remove something – either by getting rid of certain responsibilities or by running as fast and as far as we can to get away from the lives we deem ourselves incapable of supporting.

I see it as everyone’s responsibility to correct as many of these problems as possible to make the world a better and safer place to live in for everyone.

I do not understand why it is seen as normal for the government to use the suffering of the people they claim to take responsibility for, to use the suffering of those people to increase their public relations in campaigning and never deliver on their promises. The people that have been looking the other way while the world crumbles around them need to force themselves to realise that it is their world too and that what is best for all includes them.

Day 42 - Fear is the Life Killer

I had to cut one of the dog’s nails today and she really doesn’t enjoy it, actually she gets so terrified that she throws herself free while being completely oblivious to any harm she does to herself or to the people around her. Every time we cut her nails she freaks out like this and makes it very difficult and dangerous for us to do the cutting. She doesn’t intentionally try to hurt anyone she only tries to push, flop and wriggle her way free, but when it is a very large dog like she is it can be dangerous as she can easily scratch or whack you very hard.

Usually when I do the nail cut I hold her as still as possible while the other person does the cutting, but if she jerks while you are cutting you can hurt her by cutting too much, so it can be quite a tricky thing to accomplish.

What I did this time is to decide to push her to push through this fear by holding her until she is completely relaxed and “fake” cut the nails over and over until she relaxed enough for me to do the real cut. She fought for a long time and whacked me around for a while till she relaxed and it did work. The reaction that she had to go through was so extensive and I do not want to have to push her through her fear and make her realize that I am not hurting her in any way.

I am amazed by how much fear she had to push through before she finally started letting go. I have tried to slowly push her through the fear before but it never went away and she was unwilling to let me assist her in removing it. When you work with animals the communication barriers that are in place are extremely difficult to work around and most of the time you have to end up showing them that what you are doing is in the best interest of all as the benefit much outweigh the cost of pushing through fear. In this case it is a matter of ‘if I do not cut your nail, it will grow so long that it will break and cause you massive amounts of pain and by cutting it we avoid that outcome’.

I realised while I was assisting her that this principle of sucking it up and pushing until you can stand and not allow yourself to be buried under the weight that fear brings into our daily lives is the only way that we are able to let go of fear and see all that is going on around us without hiding behind a wall of excuses and justifications.

There is a saying that I see as very assisting in terms of working with fear:

Fear is the mind killer, I will face my fear and I will let it pass through me, once the fear is gone there will be nothing, only I will remain.

Fear is momentary and if you stand and breathe the fear will pass as it is only what you think is going to happen to you not what is really going on around you, if you do not allow yourself to get sucked into the projections then you will realise that it is only a cloud of “what ifs” meant to haze your eyes so as to make you blind to reality.

Have you ever looked at yourself and your life without only seeing the “what ifs” that blind you? Do it and you will suddenly see that the problems you face are in fact simple to correct you have only been too scared to see the answer.