Day 71 - Moment of Choice

Here I am expanding on the point I discussed in my previous recording:
Day 70 - Lift the weight from your shoulders

Day 70 - Lift the weight from your shoulders

I share my perspective and experience within supporting myself by asking for support. Enjoy :)

Day 69 - I am not Defined by my Age

It is my birthday tomorrow, so here I am sharing my perspective on getting older. :)

Day 68 - What would you do if money was no object?

The question that plagues our dreams! :)

Day 67 - Dont Judge a Book by its Cover!

Sharing some perspective on the situation of "clock boy" and how we have created this world with our combined disinterest in the rest of the world.

Day 66 - I want to change

"I want to change, but I can't"

Day 65 - Rushing Water

Why I was nicknamed "Rushing Water" :) Enjoy!

Day 64 - Scheduled Intimacy

How tightly scheduled lives can affect your relationship... or not :) Enjoy!

Day 63 - Jumping the gun

If you want me to explain everything in the description then you are looking for the quick and easy way :) Take the time to listen to the recording! Enjoy!

Day 62 - Learn from your mistakes

I am sharing my perspective on admitting and learning from my mistakes. Enjoy!

Day 61 - Responsibility of an animal lover

We hold the lives of animals in our hands when we take on the responsibility of their care, cherish it and place yourself in their shoes when the time comes.

Day 60 - Let's talk about sex!

I decided to talk about an uncomfortable topic: Sex! I talked about communicating with a partner intimately about sex. Enjoy!

Day 59 - Hiding from judgment

In this recording I share about the fear that I go through before making a recording. Enjoy!

Day 58 - Sharing yourself with your Partner

In this recording I am sharing a perspective on Communication with your partner. Enjoy!

Day 57 - Dont Think, Just do it

In this recording I am sharing a realization I had about how we all tend to get stuck in the idea of how to do something instead of just doing it. Enjoy!

Day 56 - The unfinished business of energy

"To be bored or not to be bored, that is the question". :) Now, listen to my recording!

Day 55 - I dont know what to say!

In this recording I am talking about what to say or write when you are drawing a blank.

Day 54 - How to Respond to Reactions

My perspective on reactions with some commentary from Bumi the dog , enjoy!

Day 53 - One Step at a Time

I made my first recording today, enjoy :)

Day 52 - Fight to be Right

When I want something and I try to show someone else what it is that I want and they disagree I get angry and try to use that anger to enforce my will. I have followed this program from when I was a child with school friends and later in life with everyday living or with things like farm work. Instead of presenting my perspective and discussing it with others and together coming to the conclusion of what the best option is, I use anger and push them in an attempt to make them “break” and see things my way.

I see that this is something that is not only unproductive but also harmful to myself and the people around me, in particular my agreement partner. I see that I need to allow myself to be wrong as that is one of the points that I use to justify this pattern to myself, meaning that I would rather be right and not make a mistake as mistakes are a bruise to my ego and that if I am wrong, I fight and fight even if I have already seen what the other person is saying, as if I can make it my way regardless of what the best solution is.


What I see within this pattern is me trying to protect myself from being seen as wrong by others and that I would rather abuse people than consider what they are saying. I see that if I change this approach and allow myself to consider what others are saying without anger, we would be able to reach a solution that is the best for all involved and that I would not be so difficult to ask for perspective and would be able to learn from my mistakes and from other people’s perspective.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow the trigger of someone disagreeing with me to anger and allowing myself to try to enforce my will on the person using anger so that I can avoid being seen as wrong


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen as wrong by other people as I believe that they will not hear me on anything if I am ever wrong


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight to be right even when I can see that I am wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use anger as a way to manipulate people into doing what I want them to do regardless of whether what I want to do is the best solution or not

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that when I follow this self-created habit or program of fighting to be right I am not only making it more difficult to find a solution to the original problem, but I am also using anger to manipulate those around me and in so doing I am damaging the relationships I have with people around me and creating consequences of people not wanting to work with me and if the point is forced into being through anger there is no way to trust that it is effective and has the chance of creating the consequence of more work in the future

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard what others are saying when I believe that I am right because I have to be the one that is right otherwise I am not as smart as the others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being as smart as the ones around me as I believe that it is a weakness and that people will use it to disregard anything I say

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that when I become overwhelmed with fear of being ignored I start ignoring others and am therefore doing to them what I would not want them to do to me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am superior to the people around me and through this belief I am damaging my relationships with them as I am not allowing myself to consider anything that they say within the idea that they are not as smart as me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up the energy of anger and fear within me to use against others instead of breathing and letting go of the energy and consider what people say to me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen as less than them and so I create a persona of more than them, so that I cannot be less than them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be smarter than other people so that I never have to be looked down on again

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that using the energy I create and build with anger and fear to motivate myself and to push others into my way of thinking, I am using something other than the directive principle within and as myself and that the energy will always run out whereas standing as the directive principle within and as myself I can push myself to let go and motivate myself to listen to others and consider their words instead of fighting to be right out of fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I am wrong people will never trust me again

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that rushing into energy is the better option

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush into energy and allow myself to be overwhelmed by the energy which I then allow myself to use as a weapon

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise and understand that I use energy as a weapon against people who I believe are better than I am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to be the best at everything and that if I am not the best or the smartest I am nothing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being nothing, worthless and useless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am nothing, worthless and useless

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise and understand that so long as I see or believe myself to be nothing, worthless and useless I am actually giving energy into that idea of myself and therefore I am creating the persona of nothing, worthless and useless, so as to avoid having to push myself and so that I can hide behind the persona of pointlessness that I have created

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear pushing myself as I believe that I will fail and that if I fail I will then be confirming to myself that I am nothing, worthless and useless instead of accepting myself as I am now and pushing myself to become more stable and more aware of myself and others around me and the consequences of my actions to myself and others around me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide behind the self-created persona or idea of nothing, worthless and useless

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise and understand that I hide behind the persona or idea of nothing, worthless and useless to stop myself from having to take directive principle within and as myself and to stop myself from having to create and push relationships of trust with those around me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stand as the directive principle within and as myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having to create and push relationships of trust and vulnerability with those around me and within myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I don't have the courage to push through the fears and direct myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being ignored or disregarded as I see this as others telling me that I am worthless and useless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when someone disregards something I say it means that they are telling me that I am useless and worthless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that people are intentionally ignoring me to tell me that I am useless and worthless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be needed as I use the energy from this desire to fuel my ego and make myself feel and seem bigger to hide the fear that I am feeling

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having to face myself and those around me when I am not hidden by walls of persona and energy

Day 51 - My Scrawny Legs - Do I Look Masculine Enough?

This is a continuation of my previous blog, Day 50 My Scrawny Legs

When and as I see myself wanting to judge my legs and therefore myself, I stop the judgement, breathe - I see, realize and understand that I am judging myself as not masculine enough within the belief that I do not look scary enough to be seen as a strong man who is able to protect the ones around him and I realise that by judging myself I am only feeding energy into my insecurity which, if I allow myself to follow down this path, will leads to outbursts of anger towards myself and those around me and so I commit myself to stopping myself from allowing myself to judge my legs as not masculine enough and I instead accept my legs as they are and I allow myself to be grateful for the unconditional daily support that they give me.

When and as I see myself reacting to someone else either judging my legs or I perceive them to be judging my legs I stop, breathe and I see, realize and understand that I am judging myself based on a desire to be perfect in other people’s eyes and that I am judging myself based on the idea that other people need to be afraid of me when they see me as I see people fearing me as a sign of respect and I realise that I desire people to see me as scary so as to hide my insecurity and feed energy into my ego and if I allow myself to follow down this path I will be stuck in a loop of judgment and fear until I stop myself form participating in the energy and so I commit myself to stopping myself from reacting to someone judging my legs and I instead accept my legs as they are and I am grateful for the unconditional daily support they give me

When and as I see myself going into fear of someone judging my legs I stop, breathe and I see, realise and understand that I am projecting myself into the future and creating the expectation of someone judging my legs and I am creating the energy of fear and using it to feed my insecurities and I realise that I am creating a fear of something that may or may not happen and reacting to the possibility of being judged and so I commit myself to stopping myself from projecting myself into the future and creating the expectation of and fear of someone judging me and I instead accept my legs as they are and I am grateful for the unconditional daily support they give me and I keep myself stable in the present without projecting into the future out of fear of judgment

When and as I see myself going into fear of being vulnerable I stop, breathe and I see, realise and understand that I am reacting to the idea that vulnerability is not a trait of a masculine man and I realise that I am projecting myself into the future and creating the fear and expectation of being judged as not masculine enough and I realise that through creating this fear and expectation I am creating energy and feeding my insecurities and so I commit myself to be vulnerable and share myself with others as I realize and understand that it is within opening up and walking with others that I can walk my process most effectively

When and as I see myself going into a desire for the approval and envy of others I stop, breathe and I see, realise and understand that I am seeking confirmation of an idea of perfection that I have created to hide my insecurities and that I am seeking outside energy to boost my ego and make myself feel good so as to hide my fear of what others see me as and I realise that through creating and feeding this idea of strength and perfection I am feeding energy into my insecurities and that I am building a wall around myself to stop myself from being vulnerable and to stop others seeing how scared I really am and so I commit myself to stopping myself from building walls around myself and to stop myself from projecting/presenting a certain idea of myself - to instead allow others to see me as I am

Day 50 - My Scrawny Legs

I do not like the fact that my legs are small and thin they look like ant legs at the bottom of a dog and make me feel ridiculous when someone realises how small they are. They also make me think that other people see me as weak since I have such tiny legs.

I enjoy my body and only recently realised that I judge it in many aspects and I am going to be waking through the points that I have seen in my blog to help me face the fear of what people think of my body and to push myself to allow myself to be vulnerable as that is something that I have realised that I struggle with.

I do not notice how small my legs are easily as I cannot see them in comparison to my body, but when I see photos of me in shorts or photos of me sitting on the floor I am always surprised and disappointed by how stupid my body looks with my big upper body and head, teensy little legs that are connected to my big feet. I look very top heavy!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as looking like a top heavy tree that is about to collapse
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for having small legs as it does not fit my self created idea of masculinity
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belief that masculinity is something that I need to pursue as I believe that, since I am a man I have to look masculine
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disappointed that my legs look ridiculous to me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a big strong man that is scary and tough looking
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not looking like a big strong man that is scary and tough looking
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise and understand that it does not matter what I look like as the judgments of others only affect me if I allow them to
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by the belief that other people judge me because of my legs
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being perceived as weak because of what I see and judge as weak, scrawny legs
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by what others think of my legs
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by my belief of what others think about my legs
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge and see myself as scrawny and weak due to me having small legs
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to look like a big strong man that strikes fear and envy into other men
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire other peoples envy and praise through looking like a scary man
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belief that I will get respect if I look like a big strong man
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use ideas of what I look like to build up energy to fuel my ego
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that by fuelling my ego I can avoid feeling insecure and ashamed of my body
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ashamed of my body as it does not fit my idea of a masculine body
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that people will see how insecure I am and use it to abuse me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the fear of being abused to justify why I can build up energy so as to build up my ego
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being abused
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my judgment of my legs by comparing them to men I perceive to be big and strong and desirable
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need to be desirable to be able to enjoy life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to make my legs bigger and to make them look better to me and to fit my idea of a masculine body
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will always look top heavy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I expose my insecurity in my body people will use it against me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being vulnerable only gives people the ability to hurt me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being hurt by others
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being vulnerable as it does not fit my idea of a masculine man
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being vulnerable with others as I fear that I will be ignored and discarded
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being ignored and discarded

Day 49 - Speed Kills

I do not know if this is advertised in all countries or only here, but we have the “Arrive Alive” advertisements on the radio, tv and on Billboards which is basically to tell people things like “speed kills” and “don’t drink and drive”. The adverts are built around these points. I am looking at the point of speed kills and how it can be used on more points than just driving.

If you look at how you interact with people, I am sure you have memories of arguments about inconsequential points that could have been avoided by simply slowing down and taking a moment to listen to each other and discuss a point without being aggressive and trying to make the other see it your way. The principle that I am looking at is taking everything one point at a time. In terms of a conversation, you hear and consider what the other person is saying and if you are unclear you ask them to repeat. In terms of your process you stop yourself from being overwhelmed by points and using the feeling of “it is too much” to give yourself an excuse to fall, by looking at one point at a time and working with that point until it is clear. I understand that while you are working on that one point that there will be others that come up. When this occurs I suggest you write it down on the side and once you have completed the point you are working on you can get to the ones that came up while you were writing.

Looking at the speed kills point and how all of this ties together you can see how when you are trying to accomplish something whether it is you trying to bring your point across in an argument or you are trying to work on yourself and your process. The point that is starting to become apparent is that we tend to rush to get what we want and have no patience when it comes to considering what it will actually take to get it. This is what I see if I place the point of speed kills into my daily life. I see how that point can impact more than driving, it can also be a tool to assist in working with rushing through life, because when we rush we tend to think that our actions affect only ourselves which is the same as when we drive in a dangerous way and think that is only us as the driver who is accepting the risk of an accident without realizing that when we have or cause an accident that there are others involved and that they get hurt and that it would be our responsibility.

The next time you see yourself wanting to rush to get what you want, consider that there are consequences for our actions and that those consequences affect the ones around you too.

Day 48 - The Difference Between Life and Death

A few days ago Maite found a chick that had been abandoned while it was hatching and when she found it, it was stuck almost three quarters in the egg. She thought it was dead until he saw it move and heard the squeak. She brought it up to me in the house and we carefully took the little goo covered chick out of the shell.

Now, when the chicks are hatching – which is in the last 3 days of the 21 day brooding cycle – they need to be kept warm and the mother helps to clean the shell goo off, if the baby doesn’t eat it. We took the little baby and wrapped it up in a blanket and kept it in constant contact with our bodies, like a hen, to generate body heat. We also had to stay awake with it for the first two nights to help keep it warm and to keep it company.

When this happens – it has happened before that we find day old chicks that have been abandoned and that we have to take it in – we have a few points that we have to keep an eye out for as “milestones” so to speak, which give us some insight into how the chick is doing and they are: that the chick is eating on their second day of life, that the chick is drinking on its first day of life, that the chick poops on their second day of life and – most importantly that they Choose to live.

With chickens we can easily see what happens when they give up and when they are not willing to give up. If they give up, they get sick and they die or they just stop eating and die or even just go lie down somewhere for days until they die if there is no intervention. If they do not give up then they can get sick and just keep on going until we notice it and give them medicine to help with the sickness or they get hurt, which can be pretty brutal and they just don’t stop fighting to live, meaning that they continue eating drinking and everything while we try to help them. The simple point is that if they give up they will die no matter what we do, but if they do not give up and their wounds are not too severe they will live with our help.

This is interesting as the same principle applies to everyone. I’m sure everyone can relate to situations of feeling ‘hopeless’ – like nothing can be done or ‘we’re too far gone’ – where, it’s not that we’re physically incapacitated or physically incapable of moving, of supporting ourselves, of standing, but it seems like such an arduous task. In those moments – the defining factor is whether we choose to stand. When you look at the baby chick and what it went through – when we found her, she was in the direst of conditions – totally helpless, no support whatsoever, hanging on by a thread – but she hadn’t given up. She chose to live and today she is as strong and as healthy as any chick. If she had given up by default – then there would really be no hope, then her fate would have been sealed, regardless of any attempts of intervention.

Support given to us can only take us so far – what cannot be given to us is the decision to live, the decision to stand, the decision to change. Choice is truly the difference between life and death, between festering and recovering, between stagnation and change. Consider then, what do I choose to do with my life? Who do I choose to be?

Day 47 - I Choose to Live

It is fascinating what a difference it makes when you decide to do something. If you decide that you do not want to do something then you have to first clear that decision before you are able to actually start doing it. It also has an effect when it is something that you do not want to do, if you have to do something that you really do not want to do you cause that project to be one that you can only do when you force yourself to do it and if you force yourself to do something you will be angry while doing it and you will take out your anger on the people around you.

I have also seen how you can tire yourself out and make things worse than they actually are just by deciding that you are unwilling to do it, then you will be dreading the task and thinking about how difficult it is going to be and by doing these things you will actually make it more difficult and make yourself angry and irritated.

This is a quote from Osho:

'To be ordinary is the only extraordinary thing. Very rarely somebody relaxes and becomes ordinary. If you ask Zen masters, 'What do you do?' they will say, 'We fetch wood from the forest, we carry water from the well. We eat when we feel hungry, we drink when we feel thirsty, we go to sleep when we feel tired. This is all.'

It does not look very appealing -- fetching wood, carrying water, sitting, eating. You will say, 'These are ordinary things. Everybody is doing them.'

These are not ordinary things, and nobody is doing them. When you are fetching wood, you are condemning it -- you would like to be the president of some country. You don't want to be a woodcutter. You keep condemning the present for some imaginary future.

Carrying water from the well, you feel you are wasting your life. You are angry. You were not made for such ordinary things. You had come with a great destiny -- to lead the whole world towards a paradise, some utopia.

These are all ego-trips. These are all in states of consciousness.

Just to be ordinary... and then suddenly what you call trivia is no more trivia, what you call profane is no more profane. Everything becomes sacred. Carrying wood becomes sacred. Fetching water from the well becomes sacred.'

It is fascinating that this is what we do within ourselves whenever there we are doing something, it is never the simplicity and acceptance of “doing the ordinary and menial task”, it has become the total ego trip of ourselves to condemn and think we are better than these things. I need to go fix a fence and all the while I am thinking that I could be doing some grand and important thing trying to make myself feel better about doing this simple, practical common sense task and within trying to make myself fell important I actually make myself angry at the fact that I am not important or special.
None of us are special or important, this is the point we all have to realise.

We are all the same, we all have to eat, sleep, drink and defecate. This one simple point of accepting the fact that we are the same and all have the same problems would make the world a better place for all of us to live in. For if you saw your neighbour as the same as you and treated them as you would want to be treated wouldn’t the world be calmer, safer and give us all a chance to really work to change ourselves and our world into a world and life that we would all enjoy?

I am willing and able to do this and I have chosen to do this, I want my future children to grow up without worrying about being killed when they are sleeping and to be able to enjoy themselves without having to block out the suffering of the people around us as we all had to.