Day 22 - Neo Apartheid: Steal from the Poor and give to the Rich

Recently in the Gauteng Province in South Africa the government has been pushing for a new road tolling system called “e-tolling”. My main focus in this blog is not going to be about the system of e-tolling, but rather the speed that the government has used in pushing the system. The government says that the money from the new tolling system would be used to implement road upgrades. The cost of these upgrades would be around R20 Billion, but the expected profits from the new tolling system would be around R70 Billion. The article compares how the government is pushing this new system with a lot more due diligence than – for instance – the slow pace of restricting labour brokers.

"When it comes to the capitalist class, the government had speed in its legs. But when it comes to the interests of the poor the government moves very slowly,"
This quote from the article pretty much describes the whole point of Neo Apartheid, steal from the poor to make the rich richer.
“Vavi said money lost through corruption had to be retrieved and put towards building roads."This e-tolling thing is another way to steal from the poor." "Don't be arrogant with power, because we as workers will take that power and then you will be ordinary people," Vavi said.”
There is a planned protest march against this new system, where the main speaker and instigator of this protest has asked the people to drive to the nearest toll gate and park their car in front of it for the whole day in protest to this system.
"Comrades bring along your cars, bicycles, and horses if you have one, to close down the freeways on Thursday."
I wonder though if any of these protests would make any sort of a difference as the upper class will always find a way to secure their own position. The only way to really change the point is to change the system, to change the rules of the game. To help redesign the system for what is best for all come join us at www.equalmoney.org 

Sources:
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Vavi-Govt-moved-fast-on-tolls-20121130
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Cosatu-threatens-to-destroy-toll-booths-20121128
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Toll-vandals-will-be-punished-govt-20121129-2
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Anti-tolling-marches-under-way-20121130

Related articles

• SA government vows to punish lawlessness in protests against e- tolling
• Zwelinzima Vavi's address to The Gathering 2.0
• Gauteng's e-tolling volcano
• 2013: Cosatu's year of the shop steward

Day 21 - I lost my Friend, My Brother

I lost someone who is was and always will be more than family, brother, father and friend. He died in October 2011. As far as I know he killed himself. His name was Anthony. The first memory I have of him is from when I was around 10-11 years old. My mother had recently married another man and he was an aggressive, self-absorbed type of man. He had physically hurt me a few times – not as extensively as some who was actually beaten but enough to make me fear and hate men older than me. The memory of Anthony I have is from when he was dating my sister and they had sat me down to talk to me about why I was so scared and aggressive towards him. I told them that I was scared that he was going to hurt me like my step-father did and started crying, so Anthony hugged me and told me that he would never hurt me. Some of the details may be off but this is one of the strongest memories I have of him. I cannot remember how long I had known Anthony before this.

Anthony was an amazing man to me. He would always treat me like an adult and talk to me as such and point out when I was doing something wrong, but I do not have a single memory that I can find of him being angry at me or of him ever being angry. He was a lot of fun to be around. He was always able to put people into a good mood and make them laugh. He was open, honest and always willing to help me, but at that stage I wasn’t willing to get help from anyone about anything in my life. I was a bratty little child. He never told me that there was something I couldn’t do and was willing to show me anything I wanted to learn that he was able to teach, but I was never a very good student as I thought of myself as unable to do anything without help. Most of the time when I needed something, I went to him as I wasn’t willing to look and learn to do it myself. I used and abused him for his knowledge and was happy with having someone that I could get what I wanted from.

At one stage we were going to learn to do game programming together. He was a computer software programmer. He was the guy that knew everything about computers and taught me almost everything that I know – other than what I have needed to learn by myself since his death. He tried to teach me to do programming but I was being a lazy idiot who wouldn’t show up for lessons and wouldn’t learn as much as I could have – in the time that I was actually there. I wanted to learn to do it but I wasn’t committed, as I thought that he would do it and I would just “ride along with him” so to speak. After a while of this we stopped this project as it just wasn’t moving. Learning to program games and software is still something I would like to learn, but I am not sure if there will ever be the same opportunity again. I wasted my chance to learn from his expertise, which means that when I do find the time to do this it will take longer as I will not have someone that is already experienced in the field to assist and guide me.

Anthony taught himself how to write programming code by Bernard taking him out of the computer repair department the one day and taking him to the programmer that was working for us at that stage and telling him to teach Anthony how to write code. The programmer showed Anthony to a computer with the appropriate software and gave him a book and told him, here’s the book now teach yourself how to write software. He taught himself using self-motivation and a book. I envied him for the motivation he had in relation to whatever he wanted to learn or do. I thought that I was unable to do that for myself as I thought that I need someone to push and motivate me instead of me motivating myself – I problem that I still have today.

After that we bought and renovated a new office building that had 4 flats built into the property. Anthony, a few others and I had to stay while we renovated so as to “protect” the property as we didn’t have a security system yet and a lot of the flats were still partly open – in terms of no doors on the verandas and so on. We slept on the floors for about 2 months (if I remember correctly) before we moved into the flats. Anthony and I took one, while a friend of ours that also worked for the company took the other. It was the first experience I had of “living on my own” in my life. Anthony and I learned how to cook since we were eating way, way, way too much take out and junk food, lol. Anthony had recently been in a car crash so he had money that the insurance company had paid out to him. We used that money to buy a fridge and some other basic kitchen stuff so that we could cook and eat. We also used the money to buy a TV and an Xbox 360. This was just after they came out. We would all sit together and play games, talk about the world and talk about our lives. It was an extremely awesome and fun time in my life. After a while of us living there we started getting sick and the one morning where I didn’t sleep which was a normal thing for me at that stage – I would mostly sleep for an hour or two a day and stay awake as much as I could, I would also sleep during the day and stay awake at night – the one night Anthony was sick and coughing badly quite often. I was so scared that he would die that I almost broke into tears. I begged him to not die. I begged him not to leave me. I didn’t do this near him but in my room. I was still upset over Blackie dying – see my earlier blog… - so I was scared that he would die and leave me all alone in the world. Soon after this Bernard came to take me home telling me that I wasn’t ready to live on my own yet. This wasn’t a matter of age but a matter of stability in who I was, as I was using the flat as a way to run away and hide from myself. Bernard brought Anthony home soon afterwards as well.

After this we moved to the farm and Anthony came with at first. He started isolating himself more and more over time. He moved out of the room he was sharing with his partner and moved into a tent outside the house. He was less and less interested in the day to day of the farm. He eventually decided that he was going to leave and move back to his parents and try to get a job and find out who he really was. I didn’t take him seriously so I thought the whole idea was ridiculous. He showed me the things that he was responsible for and I took it over from him. He left and I barely said goodbye as I expected that he would be back soon. He got a job and his own little apartment and was doing ok for a little while. He didn’t like his job as it was a high stress environment and the people treated him badly as he was the new guy. He quit after a month I think. He lost his apartment. He sold his car, computer and whatever else he could for food and cigarettes. He eventually ran out of money and moved back to his parents. He would often fight with his parents and they sent him to a few psychiatrists since he was becoming more and more aggressive and forceful in talking to them about his life.

Anthony came back after staying with his parents for a while. He started working with us again outside and he also was busy making a few websites for us – which was another self-taught skill. He was still quite suppressed and isolated but he was getting better. He was teaching me to make websites. I was again more interested in his attention and approval then learning what he had to teach. I ignored much of what was going on inside of him so that I could try to see him as the same fun loving, outgoing, friendly, supportive stable man he used to be. I ignored his pain by seeing it, knowing it was there but not going to him and assisting him with his points out of fear of scaring him away and destroying the shaky relationship that we had developed. I was unwilling to help him out of fear of losing him. So I left him in his state of instability so I wouldn’t lose him. By doing that I pushed him away and that didn’t help him.

After about 3 months he “borrowed” my sister’s car for a trip to town and didn’t come back. He took the car on Friday and on the following Sunday we had to get the police to activate the car’s tracker to find him. We found the car and him at a shopping mall in a town close to Durban. We took him to his parents and suggested to them to send him to a mental institution since he had gone into a deep depression and we were worried that he might hurt himself. When we got the car back it was full of empty alcohol bottles and other junk.

We didn’t hear from him for a while. We needed his help with some computer stuff. He wouldn’t respond to anyone’s email so my sister asked me to try to contact him for help. He responded and helped me with everything I asked for. He wouldn’t talk about what was going on in his life he would just ignore the question. He told me once that he was busy working on himself and just wanted to do this by himself for himself. He was cold and calculating in his responses as if I was a business client. I backed off on the questions but felt that I could’ve helped him if he let me, but just like me he was stubborn and thought he could do it all himself. After he helped us with our problem he didn’t contact me again. He was on Facebook so I would check on what he was doing. He was going out with friends a lot so I thought that he may have stopped his process, so I figured that he might come back eventually.

A while later we found an article saying that Anthony had died. We tried to confirm it through old friends and his parents. I saw on his Facebook profile that his friends were all saying goodbye and so-on. I sent a message to his Facebook profile. I asked if this was true. I begged him for it not to be true. I didn’t want to believe it. I cried while writing it. I blame myself. I punished myself. I isolated myself. I told myself that he was my friend and I killed him. I told myself that I should’ve tried harder.


To Be Continued...

Day 20 - ANC Squanders Taxpayers Money Under NeoApartheid

I read an interesting news article recently about how the two main international airports in South Africa have not been doing health checks for travellers from the rest of Africa. They specify that they should have been checking for “Yellow Fever” which according to the WHO is a virus that kills on average 30 000 people a year in Africa as there are no specific treatments for the virus. The WHO also said that the virus is usually transmitted by mosquitos.

The reason that they have not been doing the health checks due to – in part – the lack of staff, also the staff has not been willing to work on public holidays and weekends as they do not get paid overtime. The provincial health department and Airports Company SA could not be reached for comment. The Information was brought forward by the Democratic Alliance.

From my perspective one of the points that I saw within this article is that the current government is using state funds for personal reasons rather than putting the money where it should go. For example: The UK annually sends 19 million Pounds of aid to the South African government mainly aimed at reducing HIV. The reason I say this is because of the fact that there has been a recent scandal around President Zuma concerning the upgrades to his personal “palace”. The South African government spent around 17.5 million Pounds on the Presidents family home and about 40 million Pounds on upgrading the roads around and in his Palace, all of this money came from taxpaying citizens. Another point is that President Zuma asked many companies, mainly in the mining sector to “tighten their belts” so that they can pay their workers more. All the while he is doing things like this where he throws taxpayers money around like it is nothing and the government stops allocating the money that should go to things like public transport, public healthcare, job creation, education and food security. What this is saying to South African citizens is that the government has a lot of money but it is used for the betterment of the ruling party and its members rather than the people who the ruling party are supposed to be protecting and empowering.

To read more click here

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Day 19 - Thats NOT FAIR!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for failing my drivers test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the instructor for failing me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for failing my first attempt at the test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have expected myself to pass and feel disappointed and angry at myself for failing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to whine and complain about the fact that I did not see it as fair that I was failed as the point that I was failed on was not part of the test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry about the fact that I was failed unfairly
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to admit to myself that I had been whining about the fact that I failed
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that people will tell me that I am acting liking a whining little child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen and perceived as a whining little child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate people to be sympathetic to me by telling them how I was unfairly failed
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the point of me failing the test, as a point to get attention
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I was angry at myself for whining as much as for failing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use anger as a way to not see the point of me getting my ego bruised as the point that is perpetuating much of the anger that I am holding onto
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear getting my ego bruised
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the anger as a punishment for failing, bruising my ego and for damaging the perceived idea I have of how people see me
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of the anger I have at myself and the instructor
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take out my anger on my body
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use muscle pain as a punishment for failing, bruising my ego and for damaging the perceived idea I have of how people see me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use back pain as a constant unforgiving reminder of how I fucked up like an idiot
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as an idiot for not passing my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as less than since I have failed my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the physical so as to torture myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of the physical pain I have placed within myself out of fear of failing again
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear driving again because I failed my test
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to push people to let me drive so as to keep to the principles of driving necessary to pass my retest
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see people being a lot more resistant to the point of me driving as them saying that since I failed the test I can never drive again
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take people not letting me drive personally
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the people I have gone to town with not letting me drive using bad excuses as to why I can’t drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take them on and push them to let me drive so as to practice otherwise I will fail my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge them and be angry at them even though I haven’t pushed as hard as I should have
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume that the people wouldn’t let me drive because I failed my test and they no longer think that I can drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the people think that I cannot drive because I failed my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at people out my perceived believe that they think that I can no longer drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take out my anger on anyone that gave me a reason no matter how small
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the anger I was feeling for failing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing the second test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being angry at the fact that I have to wait another two months and take more lessons before I can drive myself around
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that I do not have the ability to drive myself and Maite around but instead have to adhere to the limitations set by the people that can drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that it is taking so long to get my drivers license
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being disappointed at the fact that I postponed my drivers license for so long and now that I had the chance I fucked it up
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use pain as a suppression tool for my anger
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use self-pity as a trigger for releasing my anger onto others

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• Justifying Reactions Through Communication
• Day 158: Angry and I Don't Know Why
• Day 6 Driving Lesson and Self-Sabotage
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Day 18 - My Failed Test

Niamh passed her driving test - first time! (Photo credit: Danny McL)

I recently took and failed my first try at the driver’s license test. I don’t do well with failure. I rebooked my test for the soonest available test which is the 16th of January. The reason I failed my test is two-sided. The one side is that I screwed up and got stuck on the road for about two minutes, but the instructor told me I failed because the guy that was behind me hooted, the guy was behind me for about 20 seconds before he overtook me and I didn’t hear him hoot – which is not something that I can technically be failed on, but I didn’t know that at the time. The other side is that I gave the instructor the opportunity to fail me by getting stuck, although I do not understand why he failed me as he told me I was a very good driver, but I have heard that the departments have to fail a certain amount of people (I do not know if that is true) and I gave him the opportunity to fail me, no matter what the reason.

I know that I am blaming the instructor. I have not actually dealt with the anger. I have been writing about anything other than myself so as to avoid looking at this point – not that what I have been writing is pointless – I am just saying that I have used these other points as a distraction.

I have been in a lot more physical pain and stiffness since I failed the test. I looked at why the other day and realised that I was using my muscles and my body to suppress the anger that I am feeling. I was trying to use my body as a hiding place, my pain as a distraction and my self-pity as a trigger to release the anger on anyone who gives me a reason.

To Be Continued…

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• Failure is an Option.

Day 17 - My Struggling Country

Jacob Zuma, former vice president of South Africa. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Looking at the recent news in South Africa I’d have to say that this country is in some serious trouble. The reasons that I say this is that the civil unrest in South Africa is getting worse all the time due to many factors including horrible wages, increasing costs for basic living and a corrupt and selfish government. Recently President Jacob Zuma of South Africa has been under some serious scrutiny over many points but mainly over the point of excessive costs on his private home. Quoting from the news article: "that under his leadership the justice system has been politicised and weakened; corruption has spiralled out of control; unemployment continues to increase, the economy is weakening, and, the right of access to quality education has been violated". (http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/Politics/DA-files-court-papers-over-Zuma-motion-20121117 )

The point of his home is that he was accused and brought before a parliamentary hearing to ask if his private home which cost around R200 million was paid for by the taxpayers as was recently reported in many newspapers.

In this article Zuma is saying how he doesn’t have anything to do with the improvements made other than the ones his family put in and that the government said these improvements were necessary for security reasons. The point that people in South Africa are angry about is the fact that the president allowed these upgrades even with his country in serious financial trouble, which is causing people to get angry with the government.

The main opposition political party in SA – the DA – has been trying to bring a vote of no confidence on President Zuma. There is a lot of anger against Zuma because he is not taking responsibility for the country that he governs, but instead he places blame on others or says that the governor of the respective area that is presenting trouble or specific government departments are supposed to deal with whatever problems.
Let me explain a vote of no confidence. Simply put, a vote of no confidence is a vote to remove the acting president from office legally because of the president not adhering to the responsibilities of the president in accordance with the constitution of SA.

The question here is how far people are going to allow themselves to be pushed before they snap. The recent strikes that have been increasingly violent are signs that people are seriously unhappy.

What will happen if the ANC continues to block the attempts of the DA to remove Zuma from office using a vote of no confidence, which would be in violation of the SA constitution. What would SA turn into then? If SA stands up and removes Zuma what would happen to SA? Ask yourself how far you would need to be pushed before you stand up and say no more?

Sources:
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/Politics/Nkandla-Zuma-says-still-paying-bond-20121115
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/Politics/DA-files-court-papers-over-Zuma-motion-20121117

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Day 16 - Mother Murders Her 5 Children

I have been reading a few news articles about a woman who killed her 5 children. The kids were aged between 2 and 13, she apparently first made them drink a mix of brake fluids and soda. She then decided that they were taking too long to die so she drowned or stabbed some of them. She appeared in court after the murders and she was pregnant again. She had also attempted to poison her children and commit suicide the year before, she was sent to a mental institute for a 30 day evaluation before going to trial and being convicted and sent to jail for 12 years for each murder.

Here are the links:
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Mom-made-children-drink-brake-fluid-20111130
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Alleged-killer-mom-pregnant-again-20120209
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Mom-gets-12-years-for-killing-her-children-20121113

How can anyone call this a world that is worth living in if things like this are commonplace. A mother murdered her children and will spend the rest of her life being taking care of in terms of food, a bed and hygiene because she murdered her children. A lot of people in South Africa are willing go to prison because they are able to survive their without needing to work and fear that they are not going to have enough money to survive the next day. In prison you get everything you need to survive for as long as your sentence is set to, without having to work for it. It is definitely better than trying to survive in the world – it may not be as comfortable, but at least you will always get 3 meals a day and a bed and a blanket for sleeping in.

In an Equal Money System everyone would already be provided for in terms of food, a house, hygiene and so on, without needing to work for it – so they wouldn’t need to kill, rape, rob or suffer in fear just to survive to the next day. Consider the fact that a lot of crimes committed these days are out of fear and desperation for survival. Also consider that in the current system people choose to go into crime so as to support themselves and their families, in an Equal Money System this choice wouldn’t be necessary as they would already be supported for their entire life. Ask yourself how much crime would exist in a world where people weren’t in constant fear and desperation for the survival of themselves and their families?

Day 15 - The Game of Recognition

I have been looking at one of the main reasons I enjoy playing games, which is the ego boost I get when I win. What I mean by games is pretty much anything that you do in a day. I mean, you can whatever you are doing into a competition. For example : If you are working, you make it a competition to work faster, harder and better than the other person or if you are talking to lots of people you can make it a competition to speak louder, more often and have the most response from the people you are talking to. I realise when looking at this point that I am coming from a point of fear and desire - Desire for recognition and fear of not getting it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire recognition
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not getting the recognition I believe I deserve
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I deserve recognition
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am better than people who cannot do what I do as well as I can – no matter what it is
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being inferior to other people especially when I see that they can do anything even slightly better than I can – no matter what it is
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect and believe that I am better than anyone with anything given the chance to learn
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that If I learned the same skill that I see In another, that I would be able to do it better than and learn it faster than the other person
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel envious about any skill that another has that I don’t
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty that I don’t already possess that skill or never allowed myself to finish learning it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am not useful enough or valuable enough for what we are doing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as unworthy of life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as unworthy of process
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see and experience as unworthy in all forms
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to make myself worthy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see it as necessary to find some way so as to prove my worth to those around me and especially to myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not living up to the expectations that I perceive are part of who I should be
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a failure
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen in the same way as I see myself, as that would mean that I would have to see myself in their eyes
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear looking at myself, as I believe that that would mean I would have to look at and see who I should and how I should’ve lived my live
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty for living my life in such an irresponsible and selfish way
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed of my life and how much more difficult I have made my own life out of ignorant and selfish choices
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my past instead of who I choose to be
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to forgive and let go of my past
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of my past because I believe that if I do I will make the same mistakes of the past
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that through holding onto my past I am actually keeping the same cycle of mistakes running
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret my life choices
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that need i recognition so as to motivate me into doing anything
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify not finishing what I started if I do not get the recognition I believe I deserve
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite others out of anger at myself for needing them to motivate myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot motivate myself into doing anything

Day 14 - Group Gaming SF

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the relationships I have developed with people
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being left out and ignored
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to push myself into others interactions with one another out of fear of being left out
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to hold onto and create groups of friends so as to not be alone
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as the person responsible for pushing people away by trying to hold onto them
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to strive to recreate desirable energy and feelings
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a frustrating child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate others into spending time with me

When and as I see myself looking for attention I stop, breathe and I realise that I am looking for attention out of fear of being alone. I commit myself to stop the fear and direct myself to give myself a purpose in that moment
When and as I see myself trying to force a situation of fun I stop, breathe and I realise that I am holding onto memories to tell me what having fun means. I commit myself to let go of the memories and simply be here, so that I can be open to different experiences and expressions of fun