Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts

Friday, 31 May 2013

Day 33 - Forgive me Father for I have Sinned!


Source Article: http://www.news24.com/Technology/News/Student-confession-sites-go-viral-20130531

“Cape Town - Anonymous Facebook confession sites are going viral as thousands of university students confess their most intimate thoughts.

The craze started with the Facebook page UCT Confessions, which allows students to post messages anonymously using a code via Google.”

“Many are inappropriate for publication, and concerns have been raised that the nature of the confessions may damage the reputation of the university.

According to the Cape Argus, the creators want to remain anonymous, but said they wanted a platform where students could be heard anonymously: “Not everyone wants to associate themselves with their opinion”.

- News24


The backchat confession booth of a University, where all can come and splurge their disturbing selfish thoughts without repercussion, has nicely displayed – for all to see – the Nastiness of the human psyche.

It is fascinating that people are reacting as if this wasn’t to be expected. What I mean is that if you look at the workings of your own mind, you must realize that our thoughts as our secrets are not a pretty picture. We can present ourselves as the best and the most beautiful things in the world, but in reality, well just look at the world as the world is representing the truth of human nature in every aspect.

What is the purpose of this site if the people that use it are not held responsible for the thoughts that they are revealing? The fact that these people are posting on this site and sites such as these is usually in the benefit of themselves in terms of the ego boost they get when people read, like or comment on the post that they made – without the people knowing who wrote it.

It is similar to going to a Church Confession Booth and expecting that if you confessed your sins and say ten "Hail Mary's", that you are now forgiven and apparently cleansed, when obviously nothing has really changed, because you haven't really investigated the thoughts and taken responsibility for them in having a look at how you have to change yourself to correct the origin of the problem.


The solution that I see is that the people get assistance and training in how to deal with the thoughts and feelings so as to see how to work through their issues and take responsibility for themselves and their words and actions through utilising the tools that are available here: 

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Saturday, 8 December 2012

Day 24 - The Lazy Student

Anthony was an amazing man to me. He would always treat me like an adult and talk to me as such and point out when I was doing something wrong, but I do not have a single memory that I can find of him being angry at me or of him ever being angry. He was a lot of fun to be around. He was always able to put people into a good mood and make them laugh. He was open, honest and always willing to help me, but at that stage I wasn’t willing to get help from anyone about anything in my life. I was a bratty little child. He never told me that there was something I couldn’t do and was willing to show me anything I wanted to learn that he was able to teach, but I was never a very good student as I thought of myself as unable to do anything without help. Most of the time when I needed something, I went to him as I wasn’t willing to look and learn to do it myself. I used and abused him for his knowledge and was happy with having someone that I could get what I wanted from.
This blog is a continuation to Day 21 - I lost my Friend my Brother and Day 23 - My Mother BETRAYED Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge Anthony as amazing, fun and honest
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be envious of Anthony and his character
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as less than Anthony
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge Anthony as a calm person
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a bratty little child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as selfish
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as lazy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as incapable of learning
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a bad student
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as someone that cannot be helped in any way by another
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to go to others for help
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see going to others for help as weakness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as weak
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use someone for their knowledge
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse someone for their knowledge
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate people for their knowledge
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate people to help me out of laziness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be happy that my ego is satisfied
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to satisfy my ego by winning through successfully manipulating someone
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to satisfy my ego by exerting my power over them
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to satisfy my ego by seeing myself as more powerful as the person I am influencing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow and try to satisfy my ego to get energy, so I can feel in control, bigger, stronger and smarter than other people
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen as inferior
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be seen as strong
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be seen as strong, since I do not see myself as strong, I therefore need others to reaffirm the idea that I have created of myself of being strong
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate for myself what actual strength is and redefining it within and as myself and from there developing the redefinition of strength as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be seen as powerful
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be seen as powerful, since I do not see myself as powerful, I therefore need others to reaffirm the idea that I have created of myself of being powerful
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate for myself what actual powerfulness is and redefining it within and as myself and from there developing the redefinition of powerful as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be seen as superior, as I use the character trait of superiority to suppress the fact that I see myself as inferior and also fear being seen as inferior by others, as I fear that they will take advantage of me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be respected
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be seen as respected, since I do not respect myself, I therefore need others to reaffirm the idea that I have created of myself of being respected
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate for myself what actual respect is and redefining it within and as myself and from there developing the redefinition of respect as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be feared, as I fear others and as I want to be the most feared being, since I see that if people fear you, they give to you their energy and submit to your power, which means that you are then in control of their life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being ignored, because when I am being ignored, I see myself as not being good enough or worthy of the person’s attention
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being left behind, because when I feel like I am being left behind, I feel like I am not good enough to be a part of whatever is happening
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within my perception of Anthony
and the character traits that I saw he had that I wanted, such as: strength, compassion, motivation, intelligence, skill, efficiency and dedication – instead of standing equal and one with him and learning from his example

To Be Continued...
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Sunday, 2 December 2012

Day 23 - My Mother BETRAYED Me

This is a continuation to Day 21 - I lost my Friend, My Brother


I lost someone who is was and always will be more than family, brother, father and friend. He died in October 2011. As far as I know he killed himself. His name was Anthony. The first memory I have of him is from when I was around 10-11 years old. My mother had recently married another man and he was an aggressive, self-absorbed type of man. He had physically hurt me a few times – not as extensively as some who was actually beaten but enough to make me fear and hate men older than me. The memory of Anthony I have is from when he was dating my sister and they had sat me down to talk to me about why I was so scared and aggressive towards him. I told them that I was scared that he was going to hurt me like my step-father did and started crying, so Anthony hugged me and told me that he would never hurt me. Some of the details may be off but this is one of the strongest memories I have of him. I cannot remember how long I had known Anthony before this.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my step-father as an aggressive, self-absorbed, stubborn, asshole
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my step-father since he was extremely aggressive towards me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear men that are bigger and more athletic than I am, as I believe them to be stronger than me and as such, able to hurt me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that people bigger than me are going to and are able to hurt me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need to be bigger than everyone so that they cannot hurt me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear and ego when I am around my step-father, as I see myself as less than him because he is an extremely athletic person
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as less than my step-father
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as weak and lazy as I always tried to “weasel” my way out of doing anything athletic when I was younger
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the belief and presence of being better than athletics and athletic people, since I actually see and believe myself to be less than athletics and athletic people
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear people seeing that I see myself as too weak to participate in athletics
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and judge that I am too weak to participate in athletics
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to actually create and manifest the physical weakness that I perceived, believed and judged myself to consist of
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my step-father for ruining the relationship I had with my mother as I saw who she actually was when she started giving over all of her power to him because she felt safe with such a strong man around
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my step-father for my mother giving her power away and through that, blame him for ruining my relationship with my mother
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to believe that my mother would give herself and her power over to someone else willingly
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see it as a betrayal that my mother gave up and left me for my step-father
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my mother betrayed me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my mother for betraying me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my mother for leaving me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my mother for revealing to me that she believes herself to be weak and incapable to live on her own, which in turn causes me to see myself as weak and incapable of living on my own
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my mother as weak and powerless for giving herself over to a man that she married for no other reason than protection and security in life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that since my mother is weak, incapable of living on her own and looking for a partner that can provide for her, that in turn means that I must do all these things, as I have to follow in my mother’s footsteps, as she is supposed to be a “life model” that I have to follow
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my mother for damaging my life as I see her as the cause of me following all these ridiculous paths in life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my mother damaged my life
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I chose to follow in her footsteps, that I chose my own life paths, that I damaged my life and that I am the one responsible for my choices in life and in who I choose to be

To Be Continued...
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Sunday, 25 November 2012

Day 19 - Thats NOT FAIR!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for failing my drivers test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the instructor for failing me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for failing my first attempt at the test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have expected myself to pass and feel disappointed and angry at myself for failing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to whine and complain about the fact that I did not see it as fair that I was failed as the point that I was failed on was not part of the test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry about the fact that I was failed unfairly
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to admit to myself that I had been whining about the fact that I failed
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that people will tell me that I am acting liking a whining little child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen and perceived as a whining little child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate people to be sympathetic to me by telling them how I was unfairly failed
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the point of me failing the test, as a point to get attention
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I was angry at myself for whining as much as for failing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use anger as a way to not see the point of me getting my ego bruised as the point that is perpetuating much of the anger that I am holding onto
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear getting my ego bruised
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the anger as a punishment for failing, bruising my ego and for damaging the perceived idea I have of how people see me
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of the anger I have at myself and the instructor
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take out my anger on my body
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use muscle pain as a punishment for failing, bruising my ego and for damaging the perceived idea I have of how people see me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use back pain as a constant unforgiving reminder of how I fucked up like an idiot
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as an idiot for not passing my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as less than since I have failed my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the physical so as to torture myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of the physical pain I have placed within myself out of fear of failing again
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear driving again because I failed my test
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to push people to let me drive so as to keep to the principles of driving necessary to pass my retest
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see people being a lot more resistant to the point of me driving as them saying that since I failed the test I can never drive again
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take people not letting me drive personally
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the people I have gone to town with not letting me drive using bad excuses as to why I can’t drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take them on and push them to let me drive so as to practice otherwise I will fail my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge them and be angry at them even though I haven’t pushed as hard as I should have
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume that the people wouldn’t let me drive because I failed my test and they no longer think that I can drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the people think that I cannot drive because I failed my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at people out my perceived believe that they think that I can no longer drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take out my anger on anyone that gave me a reason no matter how small
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the anger I was feeling for failing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing the second test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being angry at the fact that I have to wait another two months and take more lessons before I can drive myself around
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that I do not have the ability to drive myself and Maite around but instead have to adhere to the limitations set by the people that can drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that it is taking so long to get my drivers license
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being disappointed at the fact that I postponed my drivers license for so long and now that I had the chance I fucked it up
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use pain as a suppression tool for my anger
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use self-pity as a trigger for releasing my anger onto others
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