Day 20 - ANC Squanders Taxpayers Money Under NeoApartheid

I read an interesting news article recently about how the two main international airports in South Africa have not been doing health checks for travellers from the rest of Africa. They specify that they should have been checking for “Yellow Fever” which according to the WHO is a virus that kills on average 30 000 people a year in Africa as there are no specific treatments for the virus. The WHO also said that the virus is usually transmitted by mosquitos.

The reason that they have not been doing the health checks due to – in part – the lack of staff, also the staff has not been willing to work on public holidays and weekends as they do not get paid overtime. The provincial health department and Airports Company SA could not be reached for comment. The Information was brought forward by the Democratic Alliance.

From my perspective one of the points that I saw within this article is that the current government is using state funds for personal reasons rather than putting the money where it should go. For example: The UK annually sends 19 million Pounds of aid to the South African government mainly aimed at reducing HIV. The reason I say this is because of the fact that there has been a recent scandal around President Zuma concerning the upgrades to his personal “palace”. The South African government spent around 17.5 million Pounds on the Presidents family home and about 40 million Pounds on upgrading the roads around and in his Palace, all of this money came from taxpaying citizens. Another point is that President Zuma asked many companies, mainly in the mining sector to “tighten their belts” so that they can pay their workers more. All the while he is doing things like this where he throws taxpayers money around like it is nothing and the government stops allocating the money that should go to things like public transport, public healthcare, job creation, education and food security. What this is saying to South African citizens is that the government has a lot of money but it is used for the betterment of the ruling party and its members rather than the people who the ruling party are supposed to be protecting and empowering.

To read more click here

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Day 19 - Thats NOT FAIR!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for failing my drivers test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the instructor for failing me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for failing my first attempt at the test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have expected myself to pass and feel disappointed and angry at myself for failing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to whine and complain about the fact that I did not see it as fair that I was failed as the point that I was failed on was not part of the test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry about the fact that I was failed unfairly
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to admit to myself that I had been whining about the fact that I failed
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that people will tell me that I am acting liking a whining little child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen and perceived as a whining little child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate people to be sympathetic to me by telling them how I was unfairly failed
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the point of me failing the test, as a point to get attention
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I was angry at myself for whining as much as for failing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use anger as a way to not see the point of me getting my ego bruised as the point that is perpetuating much of the anger that I am holding onto
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear getting my ego bruised
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the anger as a punishment for failing, bruising my ego and for damaging the perceived idea I have of how people see me
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of the anger I have at myself and the instructor
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take out my anger on my body
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use muscle pain as a punishment for failing, bruising my ego and for damaging the perceived idea I have of how people see me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use back pain as a constant unforgiving reminder of how I fucked up like an idiot
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as an idiot for not passing my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as less than since I have failed my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the physical so as to torture myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of the physical pain I have placed within myself out of fear of failing again
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear driving again because I failed my test
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to push people to let me drive so as to keep to the principles of driving necessary to pass my retest
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see people being a lot more resistant to the point of me driving as them saying that since I failed the test I can never drive again
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take people not letting me drive personally
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the people I have gone to town with not letting me drive using bad excuses as to why I can’t drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take them on and push them to let me drive so as to practice otherwise I will fail my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge them and be angry at them even though I haven’t pushed as hard as I should have
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume that the people wouldn’t let me drive because I failed my test and they no longer think that I can drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the people think that I cannot drive because I failed my test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at people out my perceived believe that they think that I can no longer drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take out my anger on anyone that gave me a reason no matter how small
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the anger I was feeling for failing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing the second test
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being angry at the fact that I have to wait another two months and take more lessons before I can drive myself around
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that I do not have the ability to drive myself and Maite around but instead have to adhere to the limitations set by the people that can drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that it is taking so long to get my drivers license
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being disappointed at the fact that I postponed my drivers license for so long and now that I had the chance I fucked it up
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use pain as a suppression tool for my anger
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use self-pity as a trigger for releasing my anger onto others

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Day 18 - My Failed Test

Niamh passed her driving test - first time! (Photo credit: Danny McL)

I recently took and failed my first try at the driver’s license test. I don’t do well with failure. I rebooked my test for the soonest available test which is the 16th of January. The reason I failed my test is two-sided. The one side is that I screwed up and got stuck on the road for about two minutes, but the instructor told me I failed because the guy that was behind me hooted, the guy was behind me for about 20 seconds before he overtook me and I didn’t hear him hoot – which is not something that I can technically be failed on, but I didn’t know that at the time. The other side is that I gave the instructor the opportunity to fail me by getting stuck, although I do not understand why he failed me as he told me I was a very good driver, but I have heard that the departments have to fail a certain amount of people (I do not know if that is true) and I gave him the opportunity to fail me, no matter what the reason.

I know that I am blaming the instructor. I have not actually dealt with the anger. I have been writing about anything other than myself so as to avoid looking at this point – not that what I have been writing is pointless – I am just saying that I have used these other points as a distraction.

I have been in a lot more physical pain and stiffness since I failed the test. I looked at why the other day and realised that I was using my muscles and my body to suppress the anger that I am feeling. I was trying to use my body as a hiding place, my pain as a distraction and my self-pity as a trigger to release the anger on anyone who gives me a reason.

To Be Continued…

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• Failure is an Option.

Day 17 - My Struggling Country

Jacob Zuma, former vice president of South Africa. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Looking at the recent news in South Africa I’d have to say that this country is in some serious trouble. The reasons that I say this is that the civil unrest in South Africa is getting worse all the time due to many factors including horrible wages, increasing costs for basic living and a corrupt and selfish government. Recently President Jacob Zuma of South Africa has been under some serious scrutiny over many points but mainly over the point of excessive costs on his private home. Quoting from the news article: "that under his leadership the justice system has been politicised and weakened; corruption has spiralled out of control; unemployment continues to increase, the economy is weakening, and, the right of access to quality education has been violated". (http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/Politics/DA-files-court-papers-over-Zuma-motion-20121117 )

The point of his home is that he was accused and brought before a parliamentary hearing to ask if his private home which cost around R200 million was paid for by the taxpayers as was recently reported in many newspapers.

In this article Zuma is saying how he doesn’t have anything to do with the improvements made other than the ones his family put in and that the government said these improvements were necessary for security reasons. The point that people in South Africa are angry about is the fact that the president allowed these upgrades even with his country in serious financial trouble, which is causing people to get angry with the government.

The main opposition political party in SA – the DA – has been trying to bring a vote of no confidence on President Zuma. There is a lot of anger against Zuma because he is not taking responsibility for the country that he governs, but instead he places blame on others or says that the governor of the respective area that is presenting trouble or specific government departments are supposed to deal with whatever problems.
Let me explain a vote of no confidence. Simply put, a vote of no confidence is a vote to remove the acting president from office legally because of the president not adhering to the responsibilities of the president in accordance with the constitution of SA.

The question here is how far people are going to allow themselves to be pushed before they snap. The recent strikes that have been increasingly violent are signs that people are seriously unhappy.

What will happen if the ANC continues to block the attempts of the DA to remove Zuma from office using a vote of no confidence, which would be in violation of the SA constitution. What would SA turn into then? If SA stands up and removes Zuma what would happen to SA? Ask yourself how far you would need to be pushed before you stand up and say no more?

Sources:
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/Politics/Nkandla-Zuma-says-still-paying-bond-20121115
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/Politics/DA-files-court-papers-over-Zuma-motion-20121117

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Day 16 - Mother Murders Her 5 Children

I have been reading a few news articles about a woman who killed her 5 children. The kids were aged between 2 and 13, she apparently first made them drink a mix of brake fluids and soda. She then decided that they were taking too long to die so she drowned or stabbed some of them. She appeared in court after the murders and she was pregnant again. She had also attempted to poison her children and commit suicide the year before, she was sent to a mental institute for a 30 day evaluation before going to trial and being convicted and sent to jail for 12 years for each murder.

Here are the links:
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Mom-made-children-drink-brake-fluid-20111130
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Alleged-killer-mom-pregnant-again-20120209
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Mom-gets-12-years-for-killing-her-children-20121113

How can anyone call this a world that is worth living in if things like this are commonplace. A mother murdered her children and will spend the rest of her life being taking care of in terms of food, a bed and hygiene because she murdered her children. A lot of people in South Africa are willing go to prison because they are able to survive their without needing to work and fear that they are not going to have enough money to survive the next day. In prison you get everything you need to survive for as long as your sentence is set to, without having to work for it. It is definitely better than trying to survive in the world – it may not be as comfortable, but at least you will always get 3 meals a day and a bed and a blanket for sleeping in.

In an Equal Money System everyone would already be provided for in terms of food, a house, hygiene and so on, without needing to work for it – so they wouldn’t need to kill, rape, rob or suffer in fear just to survive to the next day. Consider the fact that a lot of crimes committed these days are out of fear and desperation for survival. Also consider that in the current system people choose to go into crime so as to support themselves and their families, in an Equal Money System this choice wouldn’t be necessary as they would already be supported for their entire life. Ask yourself how much crime would exist in a world where people weren’t in constant fear and desperation for the survival of themselves and their families?

Day 15 - The Game of Recognition

I have been looking at one of the main reasons I enjoy playing games, which is the ego boost I get when I win. What I mean by games is pretty much anything that you do in a day. I mean, you can whatever you are doing into a competition. For example : If you are working, you make it a competition to work faster, harder and better than the other person or if you are talking to lots of people you can make it a competition to speak louder, more often and have the most response from the people you are talking to. I realise when looking at this point that I am coming from a point of fear and desire - Desire for recognition and fear of not getting it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire recognition
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not getting the recognition I believe I deserve
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I deserve recognition
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am better than people who cannot do what I do as well as I can – no matter what it is
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being inferior to other people especially when I see that they can do anything even slightly better than I can – no matter what it is
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect and believe that I am better than anyone with anything given the chance to learn
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that If I learned the same skill that I see In another, that I would be able to do it better than and learn it faster than the other person
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel envious about any skill that another has that I don’t
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty that I don’t already possess that skill or never allowed myself to finish learning it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am not useful enough or valuable enough for what we are doing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as unworthy of life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as unworthy of process
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see and experience as unworthy in all forms
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to make myself worthy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see it as necessary to find some way so as to prove my worth to those around me and especially to myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not living up to the expectations that I perceive are part of who I should be
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a failure
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen in the same way as I see myself, as that would mean that I would have to see myself in their eyes
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear looking at myself, as I believe that that would mean I would have to look at and see who I should and how I should’ve lived my live
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty for living my life in such an irresponsible and selfish way
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed of my life and how much more difficult I have made my own life out of ignorant and selfish choices
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my past instead of who I choose to be
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to forgive and let go of my past
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of my past because I believe that if I do I will make the same mistakes of the past
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that through holding onto my past I am actually keeping the same cycle of mistakes running
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret my life choices
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that need i recognition so as to motivate me into doing anything
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify not finishing what I started if I do not get the recognition I believe I deserve
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite others out of anger at myself for needing them to motivate myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot motivate myself into doing anything

Day 14 - Group Gaming SF

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the relationships I have developed with people
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being left out and ignored
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to push myself into others interactions with one another out of fear of being left out
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to hold onto and create groups of friends so as to not be alone
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as the person responsible for pushing people away by trying to hold onto them
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to strive to recreate desirable energy and feelings
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a frustrating child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate others into spending time with me

When and as I see myself looking for attention I stop, breathe and I realise that I am looking for attention out of fear of being alone. I commit myself to stop the fear and direct myself to give myself a purpose in that moment
When and as I see myself trying to force a situation of fun I stop, breathe and I realise that I am holding onto memories to tell me what having fun means. I commit myself to let go of the memories and simply be here, so that I can be open to different experiences and expressions of fun