Gamer's Journey to Life

Thursday, 22 August 2013

Day 39 - Stepping out of Bernard’s Shadow

I don’t know what to say

How do I say the unsayable?

How do I explain the inexplicable?

How do I see what I don’t want to look at?

Bernard is dead

I don’t know what to do

I don’t know how to feel

All I feel is fear and anger

I am me

I will no longer allow myself to define myself according to what Bernard did

I will no longer allow myself to use him as a shield

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as no more or less than Bernard’s Son

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide behind Bernard and use him as a shield to block myself from my process

I miss him

I see that he is within everything

I see that I am afraid that he left too soon

I see that I am afraid that I am not strong enough to stand

I see that he trusted us all to push ourselves to change, but that he saw that not all would be able to allow themselves to choose

I see that – in truth – there is no real choice as we are all responsible for what we have created and as such, the responsibility to change is what all of us must allow ourselves to realise

He was not my father

He was not my friend

All he was, was what each of us must see in ourselves

He stood for all

He sacrificed whatever was necessary to allow everyone to make a choice between life and slavery

I cannot say that any of us would be able to do the same

He feared nothing

He was always stable

He taught us all, anything we were able to understand

I cannot say that I always listened

I cannot say that I always understood

I cannot say that I always honoured his principles

I can say that I am in the process of changing myself to truly be able to follow his principles to the utmost of my ability

I can say that I am in the process of working through my fears

I can say many things

I can say anything

What I have lived and what I do live is who and what I really am

What I live is selfishness

What I live is ego

What I live is anger

I see that I am angry at him for not fixing all of my problems

I see that I am angry that I did not allow myself to work harder on changing myself with his assistance while he was still alive

I forgive Bernard for leaving

I forgive Bernard for choosing to leave

I forgive Bernard for not preparing us more

I forgive Bernard for asking us to continue without him

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at Bernard for leaving

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at Bernard for leaving me and cerise

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at Bernard for not preparing us more

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at Bernard for asking us to continue without him guiding us

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as too weak to stand

The decision I have made is to change

The decision I have made entails the responsibility of pushing myself beyond my current cycle of comfortability

I realise that this means that I have to push myself to be consistent within basic principles of self-motivation, self-discipline and self-dedication to the process of change

I dedicate myself to the simple act of writing a blog everyday

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to make mistakes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the self-created idea that anything I do has to be perfect as “I am the Son of Bernard”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for making mistakes as the mistakes reveal my imperfection

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear revealing my imperfections as the imperfections reveal my vulnerabilities

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being vulnerable

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use paranoia and fear of how people will react to my blogs as an excuse and justification to not write

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use specific words to redesign my self-forgiveness statement so as not to actually assist myself, but to keep myself in a never ending cycle of self-abuse

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am trying to abuse my self-forgiveness through how I place my words, I stop and correct the design of the sf statement so that I can allow myself to forgive myself for real

I commit myself to consistently blog, where I do not accept and allow myself to use excuses and justifications to not blog

I commit myself to learn from my mistakes and not use them as an excuse or justification to go into isolation, hiding and fear

Sunday, 7 July 2013

Day 38 - I can vote?????

This article explains how the two main political parties in South Africa are effectively bickering like an old married couple.

What I saw in this article is how the two apparent ruling parties are wasting time and money to win favour from the people and to gather more power for their respective parties instead of working together to do what they were created for.

What I mean is that: Are not all political parties basely designed as “working for what is best for the people of their country”? By that logic would not all political parties be working for the same thing? Would it not be better for the current ruling parties to use their resources for the betterment of the people of this country?

If you look at the point you would realise that the point of opposition parties are unnecessary for any true democracy as the people are the ones that should be in control of the country, not the political parties – as the people that live in the country are the ones that should decide what is best for them, as - is it not their choice to make?

You would not want another to decide how your life is supposed to be would you? The answer is no. Everyone should have the right to vote on every single policy decision – no matter how small – to ensure that the policies that are chosen and implemented are based on how the policy can improve life for all instead of, what is best for the government and their bank accounts.

If you agree with this, join us for discussion here:

http://basicincome.me/

Source Article: http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/Politics/Ex-mayor-refuses-to-vacate-office-DA-20130705

Sunday, 9 June 2013

Day 37 - The Big Problem of "Little Things"

I was in town the other day buying equipment for the farm and picking up food for the animals and what happened was that I got distracted in terms of what I needed to do and I had not written everything down so, I forgot to collect some of the food that was bought earlier in the day. I had to go back the next day to collect it as some of the shops don’t like it when the stuff isn’t picked up soon after it is bought. It meant that I had to waste time and spend half of another day in town when I could’ve been working on the farm, especially since there isn’t many people capable of doing the physical work that I do.(There isn’t many guys - lol)

The point that I realised from this – and other instances – is that if you are not stable and focused, you easily get distracted from what you need to do. I also was in a rush as I don’t enjoy being in town and I had been there almost the whole day already.

I also realized that I need to be more diligent in writing points that need to be done as work is easily forgotten and you cannot rely on memory to keep track of all the work. There is many little things that get forgotten as they are not very important and other big problems that need fixing get in the way so, the little things start to pile up higher and higher until they are also big problems.

The point that I see is that whenever I can pay attention to the little things instead of leaving it for the next day – which often turns into the next month – I will place whatever spare time that I have available to taking on the small points so as to Prevent them from turning into Big problems.

The same thing can be said in terms of my personal process – meaning that when I see I am allowing a “small” point to influence me, I stop and correct it before it compiles into a possession/obsession or causes me to create conflict as an outflow onto the beings around me.

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Saturday, 8 June 2013

Day 36 - The Power of Community

The power of community is a documentary about how Cuba survived when their oil supplies were cut off. You can watch the video here:

I watched this documentary and the point that was made apparent was that if people don’t manage to get out of their personal little bubbles by the time that oil runs out, there is very little chance that human civilization will survive.

The documentary was displaying how Cubans had to learn to work together in a Community to grow their own food without the use of modern technology and pesticides.

Imagine if there was no oil, you wouldn’t have electricity, pesticides, petrol, plastic, etc. How would you survive?

Without the petrol and pesticides, modern farming would be impossible – meaning that food would be hard to come by. What the Cubans did is learn to farm utilizing every space they had available and to farm by working WITH nature instead of against it.

At one point in the documentary they make an interesting statement in the line of: If you asked all of Cuba to turn off their lights for a day, they would do it but, if you asked all Americans to turn off their lights for a day, they would say ‘Why? I paid for it!’

It makes you think that the only way people will learn is when the oil actually runs out and they have to change through pain and suffering instead of preventing the problem before it occurs, as it is an eventuality.

The Equal Life Foundation and Equal Money Capitalism suggest to re-grow and re-cultivate community-based living.

Please join us in discussion at:
www.equalmoney.org

Investigate the new Bill of Rights:
http://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com/2013/04/29/the-equal-life-foundation-bill-of-rights/

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Day 35 - The Sins of the Parent

Source Article: http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Boy-nearly-dies-while-mom-out-drinking-20130604

Johannesburg - A 7-year-old boy from Sasolburg nearly died when his house caught fire while his mother was out drinking at a nearby bar.

According to a Volksblad report, the boy was asleep at home when the fire woke him up.
“The child was lying asleep. He woke up from the heat and flames and smoke and could flee to safety through an open window,” said Zamdela police constable Peter Kareli.

It transpired that the boy’s 25-year-old mother regularly left the house on a Thursday evening, and would leave her child alone at home until Sunday or Monday.

She was arrested for child neglect at the bar and was taken into custody.

She will appear in a Sasolburg court soon.

This is a perfect example of why a lot of people should not be parents.

How can it be justified for people that are untrained and are not responsible are allowed to raise and train children- who are literally the future of us all? The child that is in this article will forever be scarred by this event and will be cared for by another which is most likely, similarly untrained.

It should be a given that any individual that wants to get pregnant should be checked to see if they are capable of supporting and raising a child and are then trained as to what are appropriate responses to behaviour and how to train the child to live as a responsible and stable person in the world.

If you consider that if children were raised properly, that they would be able to change the world – succeeding where we have failed.

If you want to learn how to be a better parent, investigate:
https://eqafe.com/series/33-parenting-perfecting-the-human-race

Monday, 3 June 2013

Day 34 - Animals Deserve Better

Why is it that people would torture an animal before slaughtering and eating them? It’s bad enough that we need to consume animals for our own survival, but is it really necessary to torture them beforehand?

From my perspective: would it not be better to give the animals the best possible life they can have and once they are old and their quality of life is being reduced by their age, to then only consider slaughtering them for human consumption.

For another point: the person that wants to consume the animal - should take part in the upbringing and welfare of the animals during its lifetime.

I can see that people would not be as willing to eat meat after they have assisted in raising the animal that the meat has come from, but it is not considered that the meat you buy in a store was also an animal once and most of them suffer throughout their lives for the benefit and satisfaction of people around the world. If the animal was to have a full and enjoyable life, then when you kill them you are not depriving an animal of a life, but allowing them to end their life with dignity.

The same should be done of humans, as once they are dead their bodies can be used to feed animals so that we can give back as we have received. Of course all meat needs to be checked to see if it is safe for consumption in terms of any medication that was taken by the human that can harm the animal.

If you agree with this, or have similar ideas join us for discussion here:

www.equalmoney.org

Gamer's Journey to Life

Thursday, 22 August 2013

Day 39 - Stepping out of Bernard’s Shadow